Charlow Family Blog

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-13T19:10:00.008-06:00

Yes.

I know.

It's a fake holiday.

Made up by greeting card companies and chocolate factories and the heartless bastards of corporate greed.

But I am not one to let a holiday pass unnoticed. They need to be celebrated. I like to make a big deal out of things for my family. It's fun and special, and it will give you something to put in my obituary.

Since I am gone teaching on Tuesday nights, and the mornings are too hectic for any sort of grand ceremony we celebrated heart's day early.

After dinner Emma ran to hide while we set out her goodies. They must be learning about valentine's day at school because Emma has been PUMPED to say the least. Last week she said "is it almost balentine's?" I answered yes, and then she asked "will there be lots of hearts everywhere?" So cute!!

Emma got a conglomeration of things from the dollar bin at Target ... teddy bear, heart-shaped chalk board, fuzzy socks (because she likes to wear mine), and a chocolate rose.

I have to say that Emma will not let me do anything with her hair lately. I put it in a pony tail and she pulls it out. I try pig tails and she pulls them out. Today she had a really cute french braid, but of course she pulled it out before picture time. It drives me crazy!

Avery wasn't too impressed with her teddy bear, ha!

Jason got everyone cupcakes from GiGi's and they were to.die.for. And he wrote me a sweet love note. Love that man!

My mom bought these cake pops for Emma to give her friends at school. How adorable are they?!

Monkeys for the boys and cupcakes for the girls.

I hope you give and get some love this Valentine's Day!

7 Months!

2012-02-05T17:28:00.005-06:00

Averygirl is 7 months old today!

She has grown up so much in the past month! She is eating solids twice a day now, and her favorite is carrots.

She has started sitting up unassisted and she loves playing with her toys. Her favorite toys are Mommy and Emma :)

Avery is much more of a daddy's girl than Emma was, and I LOVE that! She is content to be held by daddy for as long as she's not hungry or tired.

We have taken her off reflux medicine and she is doing great! I have been able to incorporate cheese, tomatoes, and onions back into my diet. HALLELUJAH!! I still can't do ice cream or milk, but I don't miss them much.

Avery is such a sweet girl! She is laid back and happy and playful, and we think she is the bees knees ;)

cute pictures

2012-02-02T19:29:00.017-06:00

I think last week used up all my words, so let's stick with pictures for a while!

She now refuses to smile for a picture. She said she wanted to make a silly face because her daddy likes silly faces.

Practicing her nursing skills. I don't think the patient is enjoying her medicine! Funny note: Emma calls the syringe her "shotter." ha! She wants to be a nurse just like her Uncle Tony. And a ring master. And a plumber (we are having some major plumbing work done and she wants to drive a blue van and have a camera like the guys who come to our house). And an artist to paint our lawn blue (she is noticing that people are having their lawns "painted" with blue fertilizer).

Look who is getting big! Avery has been sitting up for the past few weeks and she is starting to love her toys ... as long as I don't venture out of eye sight.

I heard Emma cracking up, so I walked in the living room to see what was so funny. Emma had stripped naked and created the perfect hat for Avery :)

God is Bigger than Birth Control

2012-01-27T07:49:00.008-06:00

I am sure you can guess what this story is going to be about :)

After Emma was born I was back on birth control, but it just didn't feel quite right. I prayed about it and I still wasn't sure where this odd feeling in my spirit was coming from. I had no direct word from God or even a definite sense of what He wanted. So I kept taking the birth control and kept feeling like it wasn't the right thing. I talked to a few friends about it and everyone had various opinions. I actually had two friends who had felt the same way so they stopped taking it, and they had been off it for more than a year with no surprise pregnancies. I had another friend who, despite her feelings, decided to stay on the pill for fear of getting pregnant.

I talked to Jason about it and we decided that I should stop taking it. We had learned enough to know that deep gut feelings should not be ignored. We just used other prevention methods.

When Emma was about 18 months old we started talking about Baby Number Two. We wanted to get pregnant within the next year, but it didn't seem like our lives were in a stable enough position. I was working part time. I had no insurance. Very little disposable income. We wanted to be smart with our decisions and so we decided that we would not even consider having another child until those situations resolved themselves. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that I needed to be working full time, so I started looking for a job. I applied for several -- for which I was more than qualified -- and didn't even get an interview. I was starting to feel frustrated, but I had been through this before so I knew I needed to calm down and trust God. I prayed that God would give us a little more direction. We wanted to have another child, but we didn't want to do something stupid in the name of "faith" so we were not going to get pregnant until we felt more stable. Again, I asked God to be bigger than our birth control. I asked Him to protect us against dumb decisions. I asked for a higher paying job. I asked for insurance.

The summer came and went and no progress had been made. Then I found the PERFECT job for me. It was exactly what I wanted to be doing. I applied for it and felt certain this is what God was having me wait for.

The very next day was a Friday. Jason and I had both taken off work and we were going to take Emma's 2 year pictures. She had turned two on that Wednesday. We had converted her bed to a toddler bed, so we were re-arranging her room and carrying the old stuff out to the shed.

While I was moving the furniture and carrying stuff to storage I started feeling really tired and winded. And I hadn't had an appetite all week because I kept having this weird stomach ache.

Uh-oh.

I had a pregnancy test on hand. I didn't say anything to Jason because I didn't want to scare him. I took the test and stood there staring at it waiting for something to happen. It took about 4 seconds for that line to start glowing pink.

Uh-oh.

I carried it in the living room and showed it to Jason. He thought it was a practical joke. We spent the rest of the day in a complete daze. We didn't know if we should be excited or if we should be mad at ourselves for getting off the pill.

We chose not to tell anyone for a while because we needed to process it. We needed to have a peace about it. We needed to hear from God that this was His doing. During that time I also started having these really ominous feelings that something was wrong with the baby. I kept telling Jason that I had this really bad feeling and I was afraid I was going to have a miscarriage. He encouraged me and we prayed about it, but I still had a feeling that something was not exactly as it should be.

Then I wound up in the ER at 17 weeks where I was diagnosed with placenta previa. When that happened I thought I was going to lose her. I thought my bad feeling was coming to existence. But she made it through.

Things started looking up. I got the adjunct teaching job. Jason got a new job.

Then at 24 weeks we got in the car accident, and again I was afraid my bad feelings had been all about this. I thought we had gone through all this, changed jobs, re-arranged our lives, and I was going to lose her. It seemed like it took forever to get hooked up to the monitor and discover she was just fine in there.

A week later, another trip to the ER, another night in the hospital.

Then at 37 weeks I began to hemorrhage and I knew she was going to have to be born immediately. And God had prepared us for that too. I had been telling Jason that she was coming early, and I had been praying that the on-call doctor would be someone we felt comfortable with. Turns out the on-call doctor that day was MY doctor. Only God.

Nothing about that pregnancy had gone according to plan, and yet God had everything under His perfect control.

We welcomed a perfectly healthy baby girl on July 5 and the entire event was covered by our new insurance that had gone into effect just four days earlier.

You want to know how much money we paid in medical bills last year? $11,202.96.

You want to know how much disposable income we had each month? Less than $100.

God provided! No one gave us money. We have no debt. God provided every single cent in ways that we could have never foreseen. I have NO doubt that Surprise #2 was completely His doing. Again, He granted us the desire of our hearts even though we were unsure about it. He had even prepared my heart for the fact that this pregnancy was going to have some complications. I was just thankful to have a healthy baby!

And in His goodness, he did not grant me one of those full-time jobs. I am still able to work part-time and spend as much time as possible with my girls.

If I have learned anything during the past 10 years it is this: TRUST GOD! He is bigger than your desires. He is bigger than your fears. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want even if your mind can't comprehend how it is possible for you to receive it. He desires for us to know Him in a very intimate way and He desires to show Himself strong on our behalf, in even the smallest details of our lives. The other thing? Don't buy into the lie that everything must be perfectly planned! Our society has decided that we need to plan everything so nothing bad ever happens. We need to have huge savings accounts and a life map of exactly where we are going and how we are going to get there. There is no room for faith. Don't misunderstand me. I am not saying we should all go out and spend all our money and give birth to kids we can't take care of. I am just saying that we should not cling so tightly to our perfectly laid plans that God has no room to surprise us and prove Himself as the provider. Leave room for faith!

Surprise Number One

2012-01-26T13:29:00.013-06:00

So like I said, we got pregnant with Emma nine months after we were married.
Here's the story ...

We knew we wanted kids. We knew we didn't plan to wait for years. "Feminine issues" run in my family and we didn't want to risk not being able to have kids at all. And we knew we wanted more than two (although that could be changing, ha) so we thought we better get started.

So in December 2007 we decided to stop trying to actively prevent pregnancy and just trust God and His timing. December came and went and no baby. January came and went and no baby. Around the beginning of February I started panicking and having second thoughts. I could think of a hundred reasons why we shouldn't be having a baby and only one why we should: we wanted to be parents! I talked to Jason and he said that if I wasn't ready then we should start using prevention methods again. I planned to get back on birth control at the end of February and we were going to intentionally avoid my fertile days that month. I prayed about it and told God that I was going to trust Him with this whole thing. I asked Him to override the birth control if His plan was for us to have a child, and to protect us if His plan was for us NOT to have a child. I told Him that I was giving Him permission to show us His best because we were confused and didn't know which path to take. At the heart of it we both wanted to be pregnant, but we were both scared.

And we got pregnant.

I laugh at it because we spent two months targeting my fertile days and hoping for a baby with no luck, and then the one month we were trying to avoid it we wound up pregnant. Only God.

I took the pregnancy test on a whim because I was suddenly feeling winded by walking up the stairs at work, and I was more tired than usual in the evenings. When I bought the test I was scolding myself the whole time for being so paranoid and wasting money when I knew it was going to be a negative.

I had taken the day off work because we just brought Lucy (labrador) home and I wanted to spend a few days with her before leaving her all alone in a strange new place. I took the test, then went outside to play with Lucy and completely forgot about it. Thirty minutes later I had to use the bathroom again and I suddenly remembered the test.

Two pink lines. I was in total shock.

I just stood there starting at it. Then I dug out the box to make sure two lines meant pregnant. Then I took another test and got two more pink lines.

Then I took a picture of it and emailed it to Jason at work because I was too panicked to wait for some cute little reveal. He called and said "Is this what I think it is?" And he, too, was too stunned to say much more.

I started praying about it and I felt peace about the whole situation. I felt like God had given us the desire of our hearts (psalm 37:4) even though we were afraid. We wanted a baby, but we had convinced ourselves that we weren't stable enough yet. We thought we needed more money, more experience, a plan. We didn't have any of that, but we did have the peace and blessing of God and that turned out to be more than enough.

From day one I prayed a few consistent prayers: 1) healthy baby, 2) no daycare, 3) that I could be home as much as possible. I was no longer afraid to pray for the impossible, and I believed God could make a way when there was no way (psalm 77:16-20). AND HE DID! Go read the post from Tuesday to see how that all worked out.

And come back tomorrow to hear about Surprise Number Two :)

Mr. Right

2012-01-25T09:58:00.004-06:00

I said that I have been through two periods in my life where God seemed determined to make me wait. And wait. And wait.

By the time I was a sophomore in college I had been through two long-term (read: long-term in the mind of a 19 year old) pretty serious relationships. Each lasted a little more than two years and each included professions of love and marriage and high-school-sweethearts-forever. They each ended for their own separate reasons ... probably the same reasons most teenagers-in-love relationships don't last. About a week after the second relationship ended my friends decided to get me out of the house, so we went to some party at some guy's house that some friend knew. A week later I had already gone on two dates with the owner of "some guy's house." A month later he was telling me he loved me and I was perfect and his devotion was undying ... whatever ... I had heard it before. So I decided to pray. I simply told God I didn't want to spend another two years figuring out whether or not he really meant what he was saying. I asked God to destroy the relationship immediately if it wasn't going to end in marriage. The very next week everything started falling apart. In one week we went from "I love you you're perfect" to not speaking. Only God.

After that string of relationships I decided I needed a little break from the dating world. I started praying a lot. In a different way than I had before. I felt deep in my heart that God himself was calling me to remain single for a while. This was new for me. Never before had I felt God calling me to do anything. So I decided I better listen. I officially stopped dating.

For the first few months it was awful. I was a sophomore in college. Everyone thought I was supposed to be dating. I should be going out and meeting guys and having fun. I should not be at home by myself doing homework and reading my bible while everyone else was out on their dates. Then it started to feel comforting. Freeing. I had one less thing to worry about, and I could focus on who I wanted to be rather than on who someone else wanted me to be.

One day I was browsing around in Hasting's and saw a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It got my attention since I had essentially done the same thing. I read the book, agreed with some of it, disagreed with some it, but in the end it helped to solidify my choice. I thought that if God had called someone else to stop dating and they had written a book about it then maybe I wasn't crazy after all. Maybe He really did want me to do this.

So a few months turned into one year. After a year I wanted my no-dating ban to be lifted. I didn't pray about it. I just decided that a year was long enough. So I told myself that I would date someone only if they seemed like this one-year dating fast was worth breaking. Pretty soon after that I started getting asked out by someone. And then I discovered the power that my year of single-ness had given me. I didn't feel the need to have someone. I was fine being alone. And I sure as heck wasn't going to date someone just for the sake of dating. If I was going to break this streak then it was going to be on someone who was really really worth it.

One year turned into two years. Then three. I graduated college and moved to Oklahoma City.

I joined a very small country church. I intentionally avoided a large church with a large single's group because I didn't want to go husband hunting. I wanted to continue getting to know God and becoming the person He wanted me to be. I wanted to find a church where I could do that without feeling constant pressure to be looking around in the crowd for someone to date. But of course I was young and single and new to the group so I got some attention. I spent two years as a young single professional woman. These were the same two years I was working in the job I hated (yesterday's post), so it was a very difficult two-year period for me. It felt like nothing was working out in my favor. I felt like I had given God the last three years of my life and He was ignoring me in return. I truly thought I was just going to be abandoned as a single person with a bad job and it would never end.

Then came the temptation. Someone was interested in me, and he was a great guy. Very nice. His family loved me and welcomed me with open arms and gave me a place to call home. At that time all my family lived hours away and I was pretty much on my own here in OKC. So I spent a lot of time with his family. But as far as I was concerned he and I were just going to remain friends. I wasn't really interested in anything more. One day he made it clear that I couldn't have it both ways. He wanted me and it was too hard for me to be a constant part of his family but not actually "with him." So I had to choose. I could walk away from him and his wonderful family and I could be completely alone again, or I could string him along for my own comfort.

I ended the friendship. Reading about it might not seem like any big deal, but at the time it was so hard! I was right back where I started. Alone. No family around. No long-time friends living close. And all the friends I did have were married so they didn't have much time to entertain their single friend. A job I hated. No boyfriend. Alone. Now let me interject that in reality things were not actually that bad. I did become really good friends with a married couple my age and I was with them a lot. I also had a "mentor" who was a lady in the church and I spent a lot of time with her too. But to me it felt bad. That was my reality whether or not it was the real truth of the situation.

So now I had been 5 years with no dating and I was beginning to question the purpose of it all. I was starting to think I had made a ridiculous choice and I should start living my life like all other 23 year olds. But still I didn't want the past 5 years to mean nothing. So I prayed about it. A lot.

Then one day a childhood friend who I had not spoken to in years emailed me and said she wanted to set me up. I told her no thank you because I wasn't dating. She persisted. She told me he had seen my picture and was interested in me and he wanted my number and I should just talk to him. So I decided to give her my number and let the guy call me. What harm could a phone call do?

A week or so later he called. We talked for hours. Then he called again. And again. For a solid week we talked on the phone for hours. It was odd. I felt like I was 14 with all this phone business. So he asked me out and I went on my first official date in 5 years. On this date I discovered that he actually did not ask for my number, he had not seen my picture, and he had not acted the least bit interested in meeting me. This childhood friend of mine had told him that I was the one looking at his picture, wanting his number, wanting to meet him. So she totally scammed us both and here we were on this date feeling weird and not quite knowing what to do.

After that date I spent a lot of time praying about what to do. I felt a general sense of peace about dating this guy. Again, I prayed that the relationship would dissolve naturally and quickly if guy was not someone God wanted me with. But it just kept growing.

He told me that he liked to take relationships slowly. He said he had never taken someone to meet his parents. I found that very odd because introducing someone to my family was usually the first order of business. But it meant something very different for him so he didn't want to cross that line prematurely. He said he had never been in love, never told a girl he loved her, and he was sure that it would take him years of dating someone before he'd be ready to say that.

Imagine my surprise, then, when three weeks after we met he blurted out "I love you" while we were on his roommate's couch watching Something's Gotta Give, but not really paying attention to it at all. I just stared at him with wide eyes, feeling complete shock. Didn't he JUST tell me that this statement was going to take him years? Wasn't he JUST telling me that he thinks it is wisest to take things slow? And three weeks in he just blurts this out of nowhere? I didn't say it back. I didn't say anything.

I went home and prayed. Again, I asked God to destroy this thing if it wasn't going to end in marriage. No response. The only thing I felt was peace. So I told him (the guy I mean) about my 5-year stint of no dating and how I really didn't want to get serious with anyone other than my future husband. He didn't seem fazed at all. He said he understood. He said he still loved me and he really truly meant it and he was willing to work toward the possibility of marriage. We agreed to keep dating and we agreed that if anyone started to feel like it wasn't going to end in marriage we would immediately end it.

A few weeks after that I made my declaration of love. A few months later we were engaged. 8 months later we married on the anniversary of our first date. Nine months after that we got pregnant. And that is the story to come tomorrow ...

Wait.

2012-01-23T18:17:00.006-06:00

I don't know if you have ever been stuck in a season of waiting, but if you have then you know how excruciating it can be. I have been through it twice, and today I'm going to share the story of waiting for the perfect job.

After I graduated from OSU in 2004 I accepted a job in Oklahoma City doing graphic design and marketing work. My major had been Public Relations and my minor was Marketing, and I was just thrilled to have a job at all!

But after a few months I knew this job was not for me. In fact I was down right miserable. I didn't want to be at work, I had a terrible attitude, and I planned to get out of there as soon as possible. God had other plans.

This was also the time in my life when I could feel God speaking to me so clearly and easily that there was no denying what He wanted me to do. Wait.

Every single day I checked job postings, and I would pray over the ones that interested me. Sometimes I would get a clear "Just wait" in response, and sometimes I would get nothing in response. When I got nothing then I would apply for the job. I went on TONS of interviews, and I am not exaggerating when I tell that for every single job I was the second choice. I never got the standard form rejection letter. I always got a personal phone call telling me that they were very impressed with me and blah blah blah but there was someone more experienced and they were going to keep my information for the future. To me it didn't matter why I was hearing no, it was still heart breaking every time I got one of those calls.

I went to my job, but that was about it. I did the bare minimum. My boss knew I didn't want to be there. My boss didn't like me. And who could blame her? I was a total brat. I had lots of down time at work after I had finished my projects, so I filled that time by preparing my Sunday School lessons (I taught high school girls at a small country church in Edmond), and doing stuff for the youth group.

One day I was at work reading my bible and complaining to God about how I hated my job and how I wanted to be doing something more meaningful and exciting. Have you ever felt like you were getting a holy slap upside the head? Well that's what I felt like. He just spoke to me so clearly at that moment and showed me what an ungodly employee I was being, and how He was more concerned with growing my character than my career. There is a verse in the bible that says "whatever you do, do it for the glory of God." He let me know that my bad attitude and lazy behavior was not glorifying Him.

Suddenly I got it. I was in this job that I hated to teach me to work hard anyway. To persevere. To do everything for the glory of God, even when I don't like what I'm doing. Even when I don't see eternal purpose in it. He can plant His purpose anywhere if we allow Him. So I repented. I started working hard and caring about my work. I bought books to help me improve my ability to navigate the software at work, and I asked for extra projects when I finished my assignments. I stopped doing church work at work and started doing my actual job. My boss noticed and her attitude began to change toward me too.

But, I still hated it. I still knew that I wanted to be doing something else. I started praying for a way to attend graduate school so I could pursue a career in counseling. I didn't even make enough money to pay all my bills, so there was no way I could swing tuition too. Then I got the idea of finding the graduate program I wanted to attend and finding a job at that college. I knew they gave tuition waivers to their employees, so I thought that could be a way for me to get my master's. I prayed about it a lot. I felt God's blessing.

So I chose UCO and I started applying for every job on their web site. After several months I got an interview for a Transfer Counselor position. Now, I had applied for at least 1o jobs for which I was much more qualified but this was the only interview I had been given. I thought I completely blew the interview. To my great surprise I was offered the job the next week. I accepted, and quit my first job out of college two years and 4 months after I started. Two years and four months of being told "Just wait" by God. Two years and four months of begging for release, for promotion, for a new boss, for anything!

And you know what?! After I started working at UCO I got return phone calls from THREE of the companies I had previously interviewed with and they wanted me to consider taking some new position they had open. Of course I said no. I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.

My first day on my new job at UCO my boss told me he interviewed me specifically because I had marketing and graphic design experience. Had I not been in that previous job that I complained about so much I would not have had a chance at my new job. In my new job I was to be part of a brand-new office that had the unique task of learning all the functions of the department rather than just one specialized function.

That made me a very valuable employee! Whereas everyone else in the division could only do one function I could do them all. After Emma was born I was working full-time and working on my master's at night, and it was absolutely the hardest thing I had ever done. All I wanted was to be with this baby I had created, and yet I could not see a way it was possible.

I began to pray earnestly. Every day I would spend my lunch hour praying and seeking wisdom. I asked God to either show me a way out or to change my heart because I could not stand my heart breaking every single day when I had to leave my baby. God did show me a way out. My mom called me one day and said that I could stop paying her to watch Emma, and instead I could put that money toward paying off Jason's vehicle. God told me that once the car was paid off I could quit my job and He would take care of the rest.

It still didn't make sense to me. I still didn't think we would have the money to make ends meet, even without the car payment. But I felt such a peace about it that I approached Jason with it, and he said he trusted me to hear God. Jason also knew how miserable I was, and I think he was sick of living with such a depressed wife. So when Emma was 8 1/2 months old I put in my two weeks notice. We still didn't know how all the bills were going to get paid, but we felt peaceful about our choice. Then a few days before I was set to leave the vice president for my division called me in to his office. During the course of conversation he said "well if there is anything I can do to get you to stay." I thought I was joking when I said "well if you can let me work part-time in Midwest City then I'd stay!" He raised his eyebrows and said "DONE!"

I couldn't believe it.

If I hadn't had the first job I hated so much then I would not have gotten an interview for this job at UCO. If I hadn't gotten this specific job then I would not have learned all the functions of the division. If I hadn't learned all those things then I would not have been quite as valuable to my VP. If I hadn't had all that knowledge then I would not have been given my part-time job in MWC.

And, the timing of it was more than perfect. It was no doubt God's doing. Little did I know that when I turned in my notice, so did the full-time staff person working here in MWC. UCO had just hired a brand-new person to staff this office and they needed someone who already knew the job to help this new person. Since I had so much knowledge of the various offices in the division, I got to be that person!

When I was sitting in my very first professional job grumbling and complaining about how awful it was God was preparing this. He saw four years down the road when I would be a new mother desperately needing to spend time with her baby. He guided every single step I took and asked me to wait for His best in my life.

I am also thankful I was in a place in my life that I was willing to listen when God told me to "wait." There were so many jobs that I thought were perfect for me. So many jobs I wanted and I couldn't understand why God wouldn't let me have them. Why didn't He want me to be happy? Why was I always the second choice? AND, then again when I was waiting for him to release me from my job and let me quit UCO. If I had quit two months earlier they would not have needed me here in MWC and I would not have had this wonderful opportunity that I have now.

Waiting is NEVER easy, if it's for two years or two days. But trust that when God tells you to wait He is going to work it out for your best and for his glory! He is a good father and He provides what his children need exactly when they need it.

We're having a BABY!!!

2012-01-23T12:03:00.001-06:00

Nope not us (ha ha!) but my friend Carrie is, and she has a great testimony to share. Here goes ...

Over a year ago (approximately Nov. 2010) we came to the conclusion that we were ready for God to increase our family. We went off birth control and fully expected to be pregnant within the next 1-3 months. With Molly, we got pregnant the very next month after going off the pill and since that was our experience before, we assumed that would happen this time too. We were timing it exactly how we wanted it....3 1/2 years apart.....JUST like me and my sister were. We started talking to Molly about what she would think if we were to have a baby and she began understanding the concept. She started praying VERY consistently for Mommy to have 2 babies....a boy and a girl. I just knew that when I finally did get pregnant we'd have twins because of the innocence and earnestness of her prayers. But, month after month we saw negative tests and sadly, no baby.

I did NOT understand AT ALL the heartache that can take place when someone wants a baby so bad and is unable to have one. And honestly, I still don't know fully. But God definitely gave me a glimpse. And even though there were several days this last year full of tears and quiet frustration and wondering why God wasn't answering our prayers, I knew in the back of my mind that even if we never had another baby it was fine because we had Molly. We had already gotten to experience it once, and if that was to be our lot then so be it. We started researching adoption and foster care but never completely felt the go ahead from God in any of these areas.... His prompting on our hearts was still always just "wait".

Ugh WAIT...God knows this is one of my least favorite things to hear. I hate waiting. Kevin & I dated for 5 1/2 years and waited to have sex until we were married. Talk about difficult....and talk about frustrating! But.... talk about rewarding and amazing as well. I remember those 5 years like yesterday and feeling so abandoned by God that He would allow us to find each other when we were 16 & 19 and make us wait until we were 21 & 24 to get married! If He had just brought us together later, then we could've been like "this couple" or "that couple" and gotten married after less than a year and not had to gone through this torture! But, luckily I had several people in my life during my "dramatic years" that were able to pray for me and guide me and encourage me to see that God was not punishing...He was teaching....and there were things to be learned in the waiting. And since then, the years have brought perspective to my over-dramatic personality and I so completely cherish that time that Kevin and I literally "grew up together". We have memories and stories that are so unique and special because God allowed that "waiting period" in our lives. He needed that time to grow us in fellowship with Him and in fellowship with each other.....but it was hard to see that THEN.

So, even though we have a reputation for kicking and screaming and getting frustrated with God for making us WAIT so long for such GOOD things...I can confidently say He has ALWAYS been faithful. I think our problem is that we like to get ahead of God, making our plans the way we want them and God continually reminds us that His ways are so much higher than our ways and His thoughts are above our thoughts and His plan is just plain BETTER than the plan we have for ourselves. And you know what, I truly believe that with all of my heart. You see....we're definitely in the category of "complainers" (and we hope that we are moving toward maturing out of this) but no matter what we always see God out, holding onto hope that He will come through in the end. And He ALWAYS has.

So, back to the story.... Thanksgiving 2011 comes around and Bro. Bryan asked me to give a testimony at church about what I was thankful for. It was then that ALL my frustrations with God began to really surface and I realized that I was NOT thankful at all for this past year and all the 100's of dollars we had spent on wasted pregnancy tests, all the unanswered prayers of my sweet 3 year old daughter and how MY timeline of how far apart I wanted my kids to be and how I desired to have our family turn out was being totally disregarded by God. I was bitter and I didn't even know it. I am so thankful that Bro. Bryan asked me to do this because I was able to pray and seek forgiveness for every way in which I had questioned God or challenged Him and I resolved (in front of the whole church) to be thankful for the things I did have and not question the things I didn't. It was at this time when our church family knew of our situation and began praying for us.

What the church didn't know at this time was that in November (a few DAYS before I gave my testimony) my sister and her husband had surprised us by telling us THEY were pregnant!!! I was SO shocked and SO excited....I couldn't think of anything that could make me happier at that moment! I felt a sense of pure joy, excitement and relief that at least I would get to hold a baby in 9 months and that I would get to have the NEXT best thing to having my own. I was so happy and so thankful!!!! (But I had to hold that in when I gave my testimony b/c their news was not common knowledge yet!)

So...December 2011: I'm happy.... me & God are good...me & Kev are good...the family is ecstatic because Callie & Cody are having a baby!...Molly is SO excited to be a Big Cousin!....and things are just plain GOOD. Kevin & I privately resolve to "take it easy" on the "trying to get pregnant thing" and just CHILL out, enjoy life and be excited for Callie & Cody :).

Then, out of nowhere & very unexpectedly on the 15th of December I get a positive pregnancy test!

It all becomes very clear in that moment (once I pick my jaw up off the ground, rub my eyes and scream excitedly for Kevin to come see!) that God has had this under control the WHOLE darn time. Molly praying for 2 babies......the testimony at church....just the sheer timing of everything! It's incredibly amazing. We are STILL in shock. We are beside ourselves in excitement and joy and in AWE of God. A baby for us, a neice or nephew, AND pregnancy with my BEST FRIEND and cousins who will be 1 month apart??? We don't deserve any of this! But yet, He gives. He may make you wait sometimes, but I'm here to tell you it is worth it, it is worth it, it IS worth it.

So, in conclusion (of this novel) I want to end on this. After all the "wait, wait, wait's" NOW, we can so clearly hear God saying..."SEE, I've been planning something better for you than you could've EVER even dreamed or imagined for yourselves....did you really want your way? Or do you like the way things are turning out...the way I planned them from the beginning of time...to bring you what you long for AND bring Glory to Myself as you recognize and point to My sovereignty...I work ALL things together for the GOOD of those who Love Me and are called according to My purposes."

....And Molly insists that I add that she "is SOOO excited for the baby to be here!" lol

Something New

2012-01-22T17:02:00.007-06:00

I'm going to do something I haven't done in a while. I'm going to talk about something "real." I love showing off my kids and telling cute stories on them, but I just felt inspired to write these little testimonies. And I am going to feature my first ever GUEST POST! Maybe someone out there needs to hear it.

The closest I have ever felt to God ... when I could clearly hear Him speaking to my heart and guiding my choices ... was during two very intense times of waiting. The two times I was undeniably convinced of the display of God's sovereignty in my life came from two times of intense surprise. I'll share all four stories this week, along with the guest post.

And an update on our condition around here: I think I have an ear infection. I am mostly better, but I still have an aching ear and that side of my throat is still swollen and aching too. So I guess I will get that taken care of. Emma is completely over it. Avery is improving every day, and she even started nursing again today. I am still working on getting my milk supply back up, but it is increasing so I don't think weaning is in our immediate future. YAY! Jason seems to be coming down with it, and my mom has been knocked on her hiney by it too. Thanks for getting yourself sick by taking such good care of us Mom!!!

Now come back each day this week and read a little story of God's faithfulness.

Abbey and the Terrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Week

2012-01-21T17:23:00.003-06:00

The past 8 days have been less than spectacular. And it's not over yet.

I am going to assume you saw the previous post and know that Emma was ill last weekend. In fact, that is the sickest she has ever been.

She stayed home from school all week because she couldn't seem to shake it. This was no ordinary cold.

On Tuesday Avery and I started feeling bad. On Wednesday we were full on miserable. Thursday was even worse so I took Avery to the doctor where we learned she had RSV and a double ear infection. RSV is just a nasty cold for older kids and adults, but for babies it causes dangerous swelling of the bronchial tubes, which inhibits their ability to breathe. If you had seen her your heart would have shattered on the floor. The poor thing felt and looked just pitiful.

I knew how horrible I felt, and I knew she had it worse than me so I knew she was hurting in a major way. My mom took Emma after the doctor and kept her overnight, and I spent the next 18 hours in bed with Avery. I'm not joking. I gave her breathing treatments every four hours, administered antibiotics every 8 hours, and only laid her down for diaper changes. She didn't open her eyes for more than a total of one hour from Thursday morning to Friday morning. We just cuddled and did our best to keep breathing.

During those 18 hours she was not at all interested in eating. I resorted to force feeding her with a syringe to keep her from dehydrating. And even then her belly was so full of drainage that she immediately vomited everything I managed to feed her. I started feeding her in our tiny bathroom with the door shut and the shower running full blast to create steam that would clear her nose. I tried pumping as much milk as I could, but it was hard to do considering I couldn't lay Avery down and I was so sick I could barely stand up myself. The result is that my milk supply is next to nothing.

I have been taking double doses of More Milk, which is an herbal supplement that increases milk supply. It usually works wonders, but it's not doing much this time. I'm afraid my supply is gone forever and I am going to have to wean. Right now we are surviving off my freezer stash, but that won't last more than a week. I am taking two pills every four hours, pumping every few hours, and trying to get Avery to nurse but she is still refusing. Grrrr!!

Avery is feeling much better today, but she is still tires very easily and she is completely congested. She has diarrhea because of all the drainage she is swallowing, and if gets into a coughing fit she vomits.

I am feeling somewhat better, but not much. I haven't been this sick in more than five years. Even my gums hurt, and I have a big ol' fever blister on my mouth. Jason says it's normal for your gums to hurt when you get sick, but I'm pretty sure I am rotting from the inside out.

Of course I also got a piece of apple stuck in between my teeth in a spot where I think I have a cavity, so my tooth has been throbbing and aching for two days too.

Yesterday Jason was trying to copy all my mom's music (thousands of files) onto our external hard drive when it crashed. Maybe that doesn't sound like a catastrophe. Then let me explain: every picture we have ever taken is on that hard drive. Wedding. Honeymoon. Kids' births. Everything. Jason rushed it to the hospital (Best Buy) this morning where we expected to pay $100 and get our pictures recovered. No dice. It had to be sent away for Level 1 Recovery where apparently they do $250 worth of magic that might get me my memories back. And if that doesn't work? It goes to Level 2 Recovery, of course, where they administer transfusions and IV's and coat it in gold then charge me $500. And if they still haven't managed to revive my valuable files it gets sent up to Level 3 Recovery for a last ditch $600 rip-me-off type of effort. I will pay whatever ransom they require, because I have GOT to get my pictures back! If they can't manage to pump life back into her with all their voodoo techie black magic then you will hear me screaming expletives wherever you are. I guarantee you that.

Today I told Jason I might feel better about life if he would make me some homemade chocolate chip cookies. The fluffy ones. He said he'd give it a shot and headed into the kitchen to gather the ingredients. Then I remembered our mixer broke last week. I was trying to console myself and thought I'd make a nice cup of coffee so the heat could soothe my aching throat. Then I remembered my coffee pot broke last week. So I cursed and went to Wal-Mart where I had a cart that refused to turn left. No joke. I thought a good movie might end this day on a high note, so I stopped at Redbox on the way home. The machine was out of service.

The only good thing about this week? Avery didn't wind up in the hospital! And that's the truth. RSV is a very dangerous virus for babies and we I am so thankful my Terrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Week didn't include a hospital stay.

what a sick day looks like at our house

2012-01-14T16:21:00.010-06:00

Poor Emma Jo has been very sick the past couple days. Round the clock fever, lots of coughs, congestion, restless sleep the whole works.

So we've been doing our best to keep her comfortable and happy.

Exhibit A:
Doesn't everyone put bags on their feet when they are sick? Ha! Here she is kicking back and watching some Diego on J's new iphone. A wise, more experienced mother than I once told me to soak her socks in witch hazel to draw out the fever and keep her feeling cooler. So we gave it a shot, but I didn't want the witch hazel soaking into my couch, thus, the bags.

Exhibit B:
She didn't want to soak in the tub, but I knew it would make her feel better so I lured her in with a glow bath. I put some Epsom salt in the water and let her have a popsicle while she soaked. It helped her relax for a nap!

Exhibit C:
A new Dora puzzle!

Exhibit D:
Doesn't she look pitiful? This was actually her best attempt at a smile. Her eyes have been half mast all day, but that didn't stop her from playing a little game of pony :)

And lastly ... most importantly
Lots of naps and sweet snuggles!

Avery Update

2012-01-13T15:09:00.004-06:00

I took Avery to the allergist this morning, and the results were both promising and frustrating.

First, she handled the skin test really well. I was nervous about that part of it, but she did awesome!

Second, she is only allergic to eggs.

She was diagnosed with eczema. She was actually having a flare up this morning, which was nice because I haven't known thus far if she was experiencing eczema or some allergic reaction. The doctor was able to look at it and confirm it was eczema.

He prescribed a steroid cream for that.

He said the other issues she is having are due to acid reflux, gastrointestinal sensitivities, and eczema.

The things I have been interpreting as allergic reactions (skin rash, vomiting, gas, fussiness) are products of those three conditions.

Certain foods are difficult for her to digest, such as dairy products. That is due to the protein found in those products.

Certain foods are too acidic and upset her acid reflux, such as onions, coffee, peppers, etc.

Certain foods and environmental agents will cause her eczema to flare up.

His primary instructions:

1. Keep her away from cigarette smoke in all forms. Rubbing against people with smoke on their clothes may cause her skin to break out. Being in direct contact with second hand smoke will increase her chances of developing asthma since eczema is a warning sign of potential asthma.

2. Keep her skin moisturized at ALL times. Put a layer of aquaphor on her at every diaper change, especially on her face. This will create a barrier between her skin and her environment, which will help decrease break-outs.

3. Try to keep her from coming into direct contact (her face and hands) with acidic foods like onions, which will irritate her eczema.

4. Pay attention to which foods cause her skin to flare up.

So essentially, we are treating her as if she is allergic to certain foods/ environmental hazards because they create such extreme reactions in her. But, the good news is she should eventually outgrow it.

The doctor said it's pretty rare that a baby is so sensitive as to break out simply by breastfeeding. He said that very minute amounts of the foods I eat actually wind up in her milk, so if she is that sensitive then we can tell she is going to have extreme reactions for a while until her body gets desensitized to these things.

My brother had these issues as well, and he did eventually outgrow them. But, I don't think he reacted to things in my mom's breast milk so Avery might have to deal with it for a little longer than he did.

I am going to do some research on common foods environmental hazards that tend to cause eczema flare-ups. I know there are some special diets that people have had success with. I am committed to keeping her as healthy and comfortable as we possibly can!!

pajama pals

2012-01-09T18:25:00.006-06:00

We went to a pajama party on Sunday (so much fun!) and the girls got to wear some matching PJ's they got for Christmas. I must have been feeling optimistic ... or maybe I just forgot about my last attempt ... because I felt compelled to get a picture of them together in their jammies.

Okay that one was pretty good if you can ignore the fake smile Emma plastered on.

Girl Talk. Usually this involves Emma making a silly noise and Avery laughing.

This is Emma's way of telling me she is sick of posing. This picture also sends a little stabbing pain through my heart because I think she looks like a little girl. No baby in that picture. And those eyes? They still make me swoon! If you are wondering what's going on with her hair, it's because we are trying to grow out the bangs. I pin them back in a bobby pin so she doesn't look like a street child.

This picture cracks me up! They look like poor mistreated children, don't they?

First Time!

2012-01-07T15:44:00.005-06:00

Avery had her first shot at the swing today. I think the pictures speak for themselves!

zoo day

2012-01-06T19:03:00.008-06:00

It was 66 today with little wind, so we had no choice but to get out of this house!! Emma's new obsession is television. She wanted to lay in my bed ALL morning and watch Diego. I said "Emma you're not thirteen, you cannot lay around and watch TV all day!" She said "yes I will be thirteen!!!" It felt good to get her away from Diego and go see some real animals.

The animals were cute, but they were no match for our little monkeys!

I bought a membership while we were there today, so be prepared to see lots of zoo pictures this year!

6 Months!!

2012-01-06T06:31:00.004-06:00

Avery is six months old! I am celebrating extra hard because it means I am halfway to weaning. Halfway to queso. And jalapenos. And pizza. And salsa. And hummus.

Okay back to Avery ...

She is now officially rolling over and interacting with toys. She doesn't quite have grasping objects down yet, and she gets SO frustrated when she wants something but can't make her hands work enough to get it into her mouth.

So far she's successfully eaten carrots, green peas, and green beans. She has had bad reactions to bananas and apples. I don't have a set schedule for feeding her solids, and she doesn't eat solids every day. If she acts unsatisfied after a nursing session, then I open a jar of food, and sometimes she eats three bites, and sometimes she eats the whole jar. She is still taking prevacid, which helps her tremendously! We go to the pediatrician on Monday, and we should also get a referral to see an allergist and do testing to find out exactly what I can feed her (and eat myself).

Avery is still a very laid back girl, but she is starting to show a little more spunk! Up until now she hasn't minded if other people hold her, and she never got upset if I left a room. In last couple weeks she has started to show some separation anxiety, and I can't hardly leave a room without taking her along.

She doesn't have any teeth yet, but I think she is getting close to teething because she is starting to bite me a lot. Every time she does it, I squeal and say "NO Avery, no biting!" It surprises her and sends her whole body into an excited little spasm. It is the funniest thing!!

I am loving having two girls. I really am!! I don't know what the future holds or if we will have more children, but I know that I am perfectly content right now. These little sweet peas are the best thing that has ever happened to us!!

cutie patooties

2012-01-02T20:13:00.005-06:00

The girls got so much cute stuff for Christmas that I have been dressing them up every day! I need to be better about taking pictures of them, but if they both have on a cute outfit and they are clean it means we are rushing out the door. Otherwise they are half dressed and covered in peanut butter, ha!

Here is sweet Avery in her zebra outfit. Can you say adorable?! Her face is a mixture of broken out (I have discovered that even the slightest amount of onion makes her look like I've dipped her in red paint. Here she was broken out because I had some olive oil and vinegar dressing on my salad, and later discovered it has onion powder in it), and carrots that I couldn't seem to scrub out LOL.

Emma in her fancy new boots.

After we finally de-Christmas-ed the house and reconstructed the living room I brought in some "new" toys for Avery that have been hanging out in the shed.

Of course Emma had to take a spin before little sister was allowed in it!

Despite appearances Avery HATES this toy. I can't figure it out. Emma loved this thing. It's the only thing that would keep her happy in the floor, but every time I try to lay Avery under it and walk away she cries like she's in pain. I think she's getting a little spoiled by all the holding I've been doing lately :) So it's already back out in the shed.

She does, however, really like this one. I don't know what to call it. It's not an exercauser, but it's in the same category of toys. Anyway it's a success, and I'm thankful to have a new distraction for her!

Beautiful Day!

2011-12-29T13:59:00.007-06:00

It is so nice outside today! We are all suffering from a little cabin fever so as soon as the air warmed to 65 we were out.

Avery seemed to really enjoy being outside! She was fussy all morning, but she was completely content in the stroller.

Emma, of course, took full advantage of her opportunity to get out and run!

Avery was perfectly happy to sit and watch sissy.

By the time we got around the block Emma was saying "I like this but I really really like my swingset." LOL, I'm so happy she loves her swing set, but there is no way I can handle a backyard adventure with both girls and an attention-starved-overly-energetic Lucy. Especially considering that our last afternoon of swing set fun ended in Emma's fractured collarbone! I promised her that she and daddy could play on the swing set this weekend. And then I distracted her by getting out her new trike :)

Now we are off to attempt our first dairy free cake. I hope you can get out and enjoy the sun!

Christmas Recap

2011-12-26T16:31:00.020-06:00

We had a spectacular Christmas weekend! We got to spend time with mine and Jason's families, and we had so much fun with both. It was a perfect Christmas in my book! I am completely tapped out though, and words are escaping me. So, enjoy a few of our pictures while I enjoy a few glasses of wine and my comfy pants :)

The Spirit of Christmas: a book

2011-12-19T19:09:00.012-06:00

Emma received this book as a birthday gift last year, but we didn't read it all the way to the end until this year. When we finally read it I discovered how much I love it! I knew I wanted to get one for Avery too, so imagine my delight when I saw it at Kohl's today for $5.

The book is The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman.

It begins with the Spirit of Christmas coming in a person's front door and decorating their house. The person then says that there is something missing.

The book goes through all the things we do at Christmas trying to get this person into the Christmas spirit. But it doesn't work.

Then the Spirit of Christmas says there are special things that happen during this time of year, things that are felt and not seen.

Things like "all roads leading to grandma's house"

But the person still can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit.

Finally the person discovers what is missing from Christmas. To quote the book:
"And that's when I got it. That's when I knew. The thing that was missing from Christmas was you! And so then. my darling, wherever you roam, may you always be safe ... may you always come home. For as long as the world still spins and still hums, wherever you are and no matter what comes, the best part of Christmas will always be ... you beneath my Christmas tree."

As soon as I read those closing pages a plan was born. I am going to make sure we keep track of these two books (one for Emma and one for Avery) through the years. When they get married ... or go off on whatever adventure they choose for their lives ... and we spend our first Christmas apart ... I will write a sweet little note inside the book and send it to them, wherever they are.

If you think this is a good idea and want to do the same thing you can find the book at Kohl's on those $5 Kohl's Cares racks by the registers. Ya know the ones that always have books and stuffed animals? That's where it is!

it really is wonderful!

2011-12-18T19:44:00.010-06:00

I am SO enjoying Christmas this year! This is the first year Emma has really gotten into it, and it is just too much fun! We have been doing lots and lots of advent activities and we have loved it this time around. Emma gets so excited to see what is on her "Christmas Countdown" each morning when she wakes up. We've made play dough, looked at lights (which was just wondrous to see through Em's eyes), made candy for her teachers, watched Christmas movies, listened to Christmas music, donated toys (I was really amazed at how carefully she selected just the right toys for "other girls who don't have stuff"), made cottonball snowmen, decorated a gingerbread house, visited santa, drank hot chocolate, wrapped presents, and much more!

I think I am equally as -- maybe more -- excited about Christmas morning as Emma. She got to go shopping yesterday to choose a gift for me and Jason, and apparently there was a small meltdown because she wasn't allowed to buy Jason a bright red scooter. ha! She said "but he will really really like it!" I am impressed with her ability to keep a secret. I have tried to pry out of her what she got me but she won't tell me. Either that or she just can't remember.

Emma found this wig in her dress up box, and I knew what I had to do ...

LOL!! I think she looks like a cabbage patch doll. And, yes, her face really is that red right now. Poor baby is just so super sensitive to so many things that it is impossible to protect her from it all. We went to a family Christmas today and after a few people held her this is what she looked like. I guess someone was wearing something that she is allergic to. I hate having to choose between allowing others to love on her and keeping her comfortable!!

I can't believe we are already here!

2011-12-11T18:39:00.007-06:00

Look how far we've come in just 5 months! From a hesitant nurser and slow weight gainer to an eager eater and chubby little roly poly.

Lately she has been lunging for our food, and making it perfectly clear that is READY to eat. Exhibit A:

So far she's gotten nibbles of our apples, bananas, and blueberry yogurt made from coconut milk. Tonight we decided to take the plunge and start her on rice cereal. She LOVED it! I was so surprised! Emma completely refused rice cereal, and went straight onto veggies. We had a hard time getting Emma to eat anything other than milk for a long time, but I don't think we are going to have that problem with Avery. I hope and pray that means weaning is going to be easier this time!

Her first bite:

She likes it!

She kept lunging for it as soon as the spoon would approach her. Yay for my big girl!!

5 months! And our first Santa visit ....

2011-12-05T19:46:00.008-06:00

Avery is 5 months old today! Check out how cute her royal chubbiness is ...

Perhaps I am biased, but I think those are the most adorable little thigh rolls I have ever seen. Avery is not on solids yet, but I feed her well ;) She is still highly sensitive to the things I eat, but I have been able to add spaghetti and oreos (who knew oreos are dairy free?!) and steak back into my diet. Major celebration for me!

She is SO close to rolling over! I know without any doubt that if I would just let her lay in the floor more often she would be rolling all over the house. But I just can't do it. ha! For one thing there is a very rambunctious three-year-old here, and we all know I tend to lean toward paranoia. She just came out of a major growth spurt and she is holding herself up really well. It won't be long until she is sitting up all on her own!

Avery has the sweetest laugh! I am planning to video it soon and post it on here. Emma's baby laugh was wild and loud and deep. Avery's is sweet and subtle, and full of squeals. I realize this will be the third time I use this word in this paragraph, but the only way to describe Avery is "sweet." Seriously seriously sweet!

In other news, Santa came to our house for the first time tonight! Apparently there is a German tradition called "St. Nick's Night" and it is on Dec 5 every year. Children leave their letters to Santa out on the porch and he delivers them a basket of fruit to confirm he got the letter. Emma wanted to leave him a snoopy card and one of her paintings.

Unfortunately for us, Santa didn't know about this tradition until about 2 o'clock today and it was impossible to gather a basket of fruit under the prying eyes of Emmabear. So he just had to raid the stockpile of stocking stuffers he has already gotten for her. Instead of fruit she got a Dora color wonder book, elmo socks, and one reeses cup.

Look! Santa even brought some snow with him. And are those his boot prints I see?

Santa rang the door bell during bath time, and Emma couldn't get out of the water fast enough! She is studying the snow prints and trying to spy Rudolph.

She was very disappointed that she didn't get to pet Rudolph!!! But she got over it quickly once she got to dig into her surprise.

the advent has begun

2011-12-02T19:05:00.005-06:00

We began our advent calendar, a.k.a, Christmas Countdown yesterday! I did change some of the activities I had blogged about earlier because I realized I was being a little too ambitious considering our 4-month old tag along.

I attempted to make this fabric chain, and everything seemed to be going perfectly right up until I had to actually put the links together. And then it all started falling apart. When am I going to learn that I cannot handle crafts involving fabric? I don't know what it is, but we just clash in a terrible way.

So I improvised and and used some clothes pins to hang my chain links on some ribbon. It works!

Yesterday's activity: watch Christmas Barney. It was a sacrifice of love for Emma :) She actually seems to be getting a little sick of Barney, which is too bad because three of her four Christmas gifts are Barney themed. I hope Christmas morning isn't a big disappointment for her!!

Today's activity: make fudge. But when we went to buy the kit (yes our fudge comes from a kit. I am not about to attempt the real deal with a three year old helper!), it was not in stock. So we bought a peppermint brownie mix instead. Emma had fun with it!

of trees and apples and charts

2011-11-29T19:08:00.013-06:00

I am so behind on blogging! I have several posts waiting in the wings ... things I want to document ... pictures I want to preserve. But it is increasingly difficult to find time to update here. Emma has been fighting bed time, Avery has been sick and fussy, there's Christmas wrapping, and life planning, and just normal life, so Jason and I have had maybe 1 hour of quiet time together in the past 10 days. I am not trying to sound "special" in that way, I know we all have that stuff. But it just bugs me because I want to update here but I can't!

So here is my smorgasboard of catching up.

We put up the tree this weekend, and Emma had tons of fun with it! She asks if we can re-decorate it every day because "it was so fun mommy!"

Tonight at dinner I was eating an apple and Avery kept lunging for it, so I let her suck on it. She LOVED it! She whined every time I took it away and then sucked on it fervently as soon as I gave it back to her. We are not doing solids yet, because I want to delay as long as possible due to potential allergies. But I think she is getting ready to sink her gums into some real food!

We started a Responsibility Chart for Emma. I thought that sounded better than "chores." I want to teach her that she needs to be responsible for her things and for her hygeine, so we are making baby steps in that direction.

She has four responsibilities: put her laundry in the hamper, put away her toys, brush her teeth, and go to sleep without screaming or getting out of bed. If she has 20 stickers at the end of the week she gets to pick a prize from Dollar Tree. She is really getting into it! She will tell us in the evenings "I need to do my sponsiblities." It's so cute!

And that concludes this session of the Charlow Chronicles.

Mommy's Girl

2011-11-26T19:21:00.002-06:00

It is very sobering to see your child getting in trouble for things and knowing they learned them by watching you. That has happened to me on more than one occasion. I've even had to apologize to Emma for being a bad example to her when she's gotten in trouble for something that I know she learned from me. So when I saw this little poem I knew I had to post it.

Many Thanks!

2011-11-24T19:14:00.010-06:00

Well I will admit that my Thanksgiving didn't start out so well. I had a bad attitude, Avery was sick, and Emma was being defiant. It was one of those times where I found myself longing for my child-less days. I just wanted to spend some quality time with my family instead of soothing and chasing and nursing and scolding.

Then I had a long talk with myself in which I told myself to get the heck over it. I have two healthy happy children and I AM thankful for them! They are absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I prayed for them, I hoped for them, and now I must enjoy them while they are still with me for every holiday. The day will come soon enough when their time is split and then I will be missing the days of soothing and chasing and nursing and scolding.

And then we all went on to have a completely wonderful Thanksgiving! Avery wound up taking a LONG nap while I wore her in the ergo, and she woke up feeling much better. Emma spent the day rotating between family members and soaking up every ounce of attention they had to give. It is SO much fun to see her bonding with extended family and falling in love with them. I am thankful for a family who loves her and plays with her and feeds her too much chocolate cake.

Here are some scenes from our day:

Me, Avery, Aunt Bobbie (mom's sister), G.G. (mom's mom), Britney (sis-in-law), Mom, Emma

Look! G.G. is holding Avery and she's not crying, ha!

Me, Avery, Dad, Emma, Granny June (dad's mom)

Doing puzzles with Uncle Tony (my brother)

I don't know what these two were doing, but it sure was funny! I was so proud of Emma today. She was happy and playful and outgoing toward everyone.

The bearded men. LOL. I had these beards knitted as Christmas gifts for Jason, my dad, and my brother. I love them!

wanna see my porn stash?

2011-11-20T17:43:00.006-06:00

Here it is ...

Yep that does it for me!!

Note: please take this in the lighthearted way it was meant. We do not look at or condone pornography in any form. Just a little humor from an ol' married lady.

Threeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-11-17T20:52:00.006-06:00

My little sass is officially three years old today! We started the day with a living room full of balloons and a kitchen table full of rainbow pancakes per the birthday girl's request.

At three years old Emma is into Barney, princesses, art, puppies, making messes of any kind, being outside, and getting her way :) She is headstrong and determined, sweet and polite. She speaks her mind, takes care of her baby sister, and asks lots and lots of questions. She loves to sing, cook, explore her curiosities, and discover new things.

She is coming out of her shell more and more every day and letting the world see the brilliant little girl we've always known. Her teachers say she is doing great at school and is now interacting with the kids and making lots of friends.

Emma is seriously smart, very compassionate, and hilarious to boot. We are over the moon for her in case you can't tell! She also knows just how to push our buttons, make us sigh in exasperation, lose our patience, and give us a run for our money. I'm pretty sure that is exactly how a three year old is supposed to be!

Her favorite foods are mac-n-cheese, bacon, grapes, tomatoes, ranch dressing, chicken nuggets, salad, pizza, spaghetti, and anything made of chocolate. She loves tea, water, and chocolate milk. And the occasional Sonic drink :)

My biggest prayer for Emma at this age is that I don't mess her up, ha! But it's true. I hope that we have the wisdom and patience to let her be herself without ever making her feel bad about the way God made her. I also pray we have what it takes to work through her character flaws and gently guide her toward His heart.

We were truly blessed beyond measure on the day Emma Joelle came into our lives. She has taught us more than we ever thought we could learn in three short years, and she has made us better people just by caring for her. Every day with her is an adventure, and it has been the grandest adventure of my life!

we had a little shindig

2011-11-13T19:20:00.009-06:00

On Saturday we had 21 adults, 12 kids, and 3 babies over to celebrate Emma's third year of life. It was a blast! We had an art party with a rainbow theme, and all the kids seemed to really enjoy their little art projects.

But as life tends to be unpredictable with toddlers and babies, I wasn't able to do everything I had hoped.

Let's start with decorations---

Tissue poms hung around the porch:

Birthday banner:

Rainbow table skirt I made using 40 yards of tulle:

Food table (rainbow cupcakes, rainbow trail mix, oreo pops without a stick because they kept falling off, fruit skewers, vegetables, water, colors of the rainbow soda):

So what went wrong in the decor area? Balloons. We had five picnic tables and I wanted to stick balloons through the umbrella holes as centerpieces, but the wind was blowing 25 MPH so that wasn't working.

Next let's talk about the art projects---

Each kid got to paint a letter for their name (E for Emma,etc) to take home:

I had another project planned, but we didn't have time to do it. I had a fabric bag and felt stickers for everyone, and they were supposed to decorate their bags to take their favors home in.

Let's talk about favors--

I feel strongly that if you ask people to come to a party and buy your kid a gift then they should receive some small token of appreciation. So, our guests were going to take home their painted letter, and their decorated bag containing homemade rainbow crayons and homemade rainbow playdough. Emma and me got the crayons made this summer while I was home on bed rest. I'd lay on the couch and we'd break crayons and stick them in the mold and then I'd bake them later while I was cooking dinner. But I ran out of crafting mojo and Avery started taking short naps, and the play dough just didn't get done.

Let's talk about Avery--

I made a fatal error by taking her out of the ergo while she was enjoying a solid nap. The ergo is the babywearing thing I had her in, but it was hurting my back so I took it off and handed Avery over to my mom. She did GREAT for a while, but after being held by six or seven people she had quite enough. I wound up spending the last half of the party inside with her while she was screaming inconsolably. I was actually a little worried that someone had accidentally hurt her and didn't want to tell me because I have never seen her cry like that. But I guess she just got way overstimulated.

I felt horrible that 1.) I let Avery get so worked up that she had to scream for an hour, and 2.) I missed half of Emma's party and didn't get to do the last project with the kids. But I realize we are only talking about a 3 year old's party and it is hardly worth stressing out over.

All in all it was a fabulous time!! Emma loved it and that is all that matters in my book. I can't decide if I'm going to do it again next year (I'm thinking a candyland theme with a life sized candyland game) or just have it at the jump zone :)

My hands may be full ....

2011-11-08T18:47:00.003-06:00

But so is my heart!

Note: kids are happier when naked :)

FOUR months!

2011-11-05T18:38:00.008-05:00

Miss Avery Nora turned four months old today! If you know babies then you know that month four brings lots of good and some bad. It marks the dreaded four month wakeful period. At four months babies come alive to the world. They begin to soak in their environment and their little brains are working hard to make sense of it all. So much so that they have a very hard time settling down for sleep and their nursing becomes very distracted. Avery is definitely right on track! For the past 7-10 days she has been fighting naps, and she takes frequent breaks during nursing to look at me, coo, smile, and play.

Look at how big she has gotten. I can hardly believe it!

Isn't she so pretty? She's dang sweet too!

Her biggest milestone this month:

Discovering her hands! Within the past couple weeks she has found her hands and they are almost always in her mouth. She's learning how to grasp objects too and I expect her to have that down in the next month.

She is a TOTAL cuddle bug! She hasn't started rolling over yet and I'm pretty sure it's because she is never laid down long enough. The girl LOVES to cuddle.

And seriously who could deny her?! She is gaining lots of strength though! She can twist and turn and let us know anytime she is uncomfortable. She has even started arching her back and trying to kick out of the swing when she gets sick of it.

She is a very happy baby! I haven't talked much about it but she does have some major food allergies and/or sensitivities that I am praying she outgrows. As long as I haven't eaten something to upset her stomach then she is perfectly content. In fact, these are the two expressions we see most often:

She is laid back and happy to be held by anyone ... except my Granny, ha! One thing she has figured out is that come 7 o'clock she wants to lay down with mommy and nurse to sleep. NOTHING can make her happy at that time of day except laying with me. It's so sweet, but also very inconvenient. I can't complain though because I did create this little routine!! And I enjoy it too. It's our quiet time together and little sister will not even consider letting anyone else have her at that time of day.

Here's to month four! We love you Avery!!

I know it's too early, but it's never too early for me

2011-11-03T13:16:00.009-05:00

We haven't celebrated Emma's birthday yet.

We haven't eaten turkey and seen the girls in their cute Thanksgiving outfits yet.

But I couldn't resist the urge to start working on our list of Advent Calendar activities. I am also having a hard time deciding how to present our calendar. All my ideas are at the end of the post. Let me know what you think is best for a three year old!

I haven't decided if I'm 100% happy with these activities. Take a look and let me know if I am missing something essential!

1. Watch Christmas Barney

2. Make fudge

3. Put up decorations!

4. Make candy cane play dough

5. Buy a toy to give away (angel tree)

6. Drink hot chocolate

7. Talk about why we celebrate Christmas (paint a nativity picture)

8. Write letters to special people

9. Make thumbprint cookies

10. Have a Christmas party (extended family dirty santa????)

11. Make a cottonball snowman

12. Mail Christmas cards

13. Eat red and green spaghetti

14. Listen to Christmas music and play blocks

15. Take a gift to teachers

16. Donate canned goods

17. Devon’s Saturdays with Santa (noon-3pm, myriad gardens pavilion) or bass pro santa

18. Buy a new ornament from North Pole City

19. Have breakfast for dinner

20. Watch Mickey’s Christmas Special (ABC Family 5 pm)

21. Have a tea party

22. Drive around and look at lights

23. Snow tubing! (noon, redhawks stadium)

24. Open a present and celebrate with extended family

I have a few ideas for presenting these, and I need help deciding which is best! Last year I just used an advent calendar from dollar tree. It was tacky and I only used it because I couldn't splurge on a nice one.

These are my options for this year:

A. Make 24 cute little envelopes from Christmas paper and hang on the garland on our mantle. Put each activity on a slip of paper inside the envelope.

B. Buy Elf on a Shelf. You are supposed to put him on a shelf and tell your kids that he is monitoring their behavior and reporting back to santa. I could write an entire post about why I don't agree with that! BUT I have also seen where people put their Elf in mischeivous situations (wrapped around the milk jug after turning the milk green; making snow angels in the floor with powdered sugar; fishing in the toilet; etc) at night while their kids are sleep and then each morning the kids have to find him, and he is always holding a piece of paper that explains that day's activity.

C. A fabric chain. I like this because it gives Emma a visual of how close we are getting to Christmas and it won't cost much to make. I don't like it because I have to make it and I'm getting a little crafted out with all the birthday party prep!

D. Wrap a piece of paper explaining the activity along with any supplies needed, and let the kid(s) unwrap a gift every day of December. The down side: I have to wrap 24 boxes. And I feel like it puts the emphasis on getting a gift rather than spending time together.

So, there you have it. I'd love your input!

Apparently I don't measure up

2011-11-02T12:03:00.002-05:00

Well I guess Emma has reached the age where she is comparing my mothering skills to those of her friends. Here is our conversation from yesterday when I picked her up from Small World:

Me: So how was school today?

Emma: why didn't you send me a jacket?

Me: It's not cold outside, you don't need a jacket

Emma: Yes I do

Me: But Emma it's not cold

Emma: Well the other mommies sent jackets for their kids

Me: Oh, well, I'm sorry but I didn't think you needed it

Emma: YES I DID!!

Me: Okay I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?

Emma: Yes!

Me: Seriously? You're mad at me for not sending you a jacket?

Emma: Yes I serious am because the other mommies sent jackets

Me: Okay I promise I will send you a jacket tomorrow. Ok?

Emma: Ok.

Me: Are you still mad at me?

Emma: Yes.

The girl has no mercy!! Today she reminded me no less than five times that she wanted to take her jacket to school. LOL!

tale of a ten hour pumpkin carving

2011-10-30T19:12:00.017-05:00

We began this day with one goal in mind: carve a pumpkin.

So as soon as breakfast was done we set about our work.

First we picked a pumpkin.

Then we got distracted.

Then we scraped it out.

Then we got distracted.

Then we traced on the pattern.

Then we got distracted.

Then we started to carve, but we got REALLY distracted as the lure of a hot lunch and a beautiful afternoon were too much to resist.

Finallllllllyyyy ... after a trip to wal-mart and dinner at Braum's (someone needed a cup of chocolate and "ganilla" ice cream), we completed our imperfect but made with love pumpkin!

And we were proud :)

slide set

2011-10-23T17:55:00.003-05:00

LOL our swing set doesn't have swings yet so I am calling it the slide set :)

You should be happy to know that I have not been punished for the two full weekends of hard work that have gone into this set. Apparently they could have finished it today, but there was some issue with the metal that connects the swings. Papaw is going to get it fixed tomorrow and we should have a fully functioning swing set this week.

For now, enjoy a couple action shots ...

saturday

2011-10-22T19:55:00.014-05:00

Our cup hath runneth over today!

Jason and his dad were busy working on the swing set today (almost done and they are both ready to kill me for choosing such an elaborate and time consuming set), so me and the girls headed out for some fun!

We started at the zoo for Emma's [second] cousin Kiercy's birthday party.

We only got to participate in the play ground portion of the party because we had another important birthday to celebrate! It was hard to leave without getting the full zoo experience, but I honestly don't think I could have handled both girls by myself for the whole day.

So we headed out to miss Kortney's My Little Pony party. I must have been looking pitiful trying to keep Emma under control while juggling our food and soothing Avery because these sweet people took mercy on my soul and adopted Avery for a while. As you can see she loved the attention! She is such a people person ... completely opposite of Emma at that age.

I have to break and say what a huge blessing it is to have people who are so kind and naturally good with children who offer to help. And I'm thankful that I've come to a point in my life where I can accept people's offers of help without feeling bad about it. This woman didn't know me from Adam, but she came right up and said "I would love to hold her so you can eat and help your other little girl." It made me feel like it was her greatest pleasure to take care of my kid for a few minutes rather than me feeling like it was an annoying burden. I hope to be that kind of blessing to other young mothers some day! It can be so overwhelming to take care of these two little people -- especially in public -- and I know I have become a MUCH more compassionate person because of it. I want to pay that forward!

Emma wearing her my little pony ears. So cute! You did a great job on the party Tiffiany!

Then we came home for a quick nap, corraled Daddy, and it was off to Orr Family Farm. We LOVE this place! We have taken Emma every year since she was born and it is definitely going to remain a tradition.

Her first pony ride. She was so proud of herself for riding the biggest pony without getting scared. The first thing she wanted to do when we got home was watch the video of her pony ride.

Avery was such a trooper all day! She charmed people wherever we went, but she was more than ready to be home and in bed.

Emma insisted on being on the big jumping pillow with all the rowdy big kids. I tried getting her to play on the toddler one but she was not having it. It is SOOOO great to see her coming out of her shell a little bit!!!!

Can you see the storms rolling in behind her? We high tailed it home after her hayride and pumpkin picking, and made it just before the storm hit.

I had a fantastic day with my family! And now I'm off to get some much needed rest.

Awwwwwwww

2011-10-20T12:56:00.003-05:00

I saw this on pinterest and it brought a little tear to my eye. I am already praying that Emma will have attentive and gentle teachers!

they got the wicked part right

2011-10-17T15:04:00.010-05:00

My granny (Emma calls her G.G. for Great Granny) is coming into town so we are having everyone over for dinner tonight. I thought it would be the perfect occasion to dress the girls in their halloween outfits and do a little photo shoot.

They had different opinions.

Attempt 1. Emma is refusing to smile and Avery is crying.

Attempt 2. Avoiding the camera entirely.

I won't even bother showing you attempts 3-10 because it's just more of the same.

Attempt 11. I got them both smiling but failed to get their heads in the shot. Awesome.

Attempts 12-15 involve tears and vomit.

Attempt 16. Here I have resorted to bribery. "Okay mom I will totally serious smile now." Little did I know it was because she had hatched a plan.

Attempt 17. In case you can't tell Emma thinks she has reached her ultimate funniness potential, and Avery is thoroughly disgusted with the whole charade.

Attempt 18. This s when we kicked Em out.

Final attempt. Good enough!!

Glorious Dirt

2011-10-14T09:12:00.006-05:00

We had some dirt delivered so we (meaning Jason) could fill in the low spots in the backyard before assembling the swing set (tomorrow)!!

I was so surprised because Emma usually resists getting dirty, but she jumped right in to "help" daddy!

Even little sister thought it was pretty neat!

untitled

2011-10-13T13:30:00.002-05:00

My friend Jodi had this on her blog and I had to share it here too. Love it!

Marjorie Pay Hinckley - “I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

Tennessee

2011-10-10T09:23:00.005-05:00

I have been gone visiting my friend Lauren in Tennessee! I took Avery and left Emma with Jason/ my mom. Avery was a total rock star! She did so great while traveling, and I got lots of compliments and aaawwwwww's :) I have also completely conquered my fear of nursing in public. Traveling will do that to you! I nursed on the plane, in the airports, in the Biltmore with throngs of people walking by, in the restaurant ... you get the idea. And not one negative experience or bad look. Yay! Of course I was completely covered the whole time. Thank God (and my mom) for the Boob Toob!

My friend Lauren lives in the cutest town I have ever seen! It seriously looks like something out of Gilmore Girls. The entire town was decorated for Fall ... pumpkins and hay bales and corn stalks everywhere. Adorable! I wasn't able to get any pictures of the town because we were too busy talking nonstop for 3 days :) She is also right next to the Nolichucky river, which is just breathtaking. Apparently some scenes from Last of the Mohicans was filmed there ... again no pictures. I'm a bummer, aren't I? But the purpose of our trip was to see Lauren, not take pictures so it was successful as far as I'm concerned!

She took me to see the Biltmore estate in Asheville North Carolina, and it was so beautiful! George Vanderbilt built this house in the early 1900's, and he was only 22 when he started it. It is 175,000 square feet and spans four acres. Can you even imagine that being your family home?! The interior has been completely preserved just as it was.

It sits on 125,000 acres and it's the largest private estate in America. We ate at a restaurant on the property and all the food served is grown there. I couldn't resist having my first drink in at least 18 months ... a glass of sangria made from wine from their vineyard.

So, anyway, you get it. It was amazing. If you are ever looking for a little getaway this would be a great place to go! They have an "Inn" on the property too.

We had so much fun being away, but it was also hard being gone while Emma was battling her first sickness. She is still sick today, and it's been going on for a solid week. Ugh! We had quite the Immodium battle this morning, but I won! I am hoping we can kick this SOON.

One last important piece of business ...

This little girl is growing!

the birthday chain

2011-10-03T14:17:00.004-05:00

Emma has noticed me making plans for her birthday party and she asks me pretty much every single day when her party will be. She is SO excited to have a party!

I decided to try out this paper chain idea (stolen from pinterest) to help her count down to her party.

We made a chain link for every day between now and November 12, which is the day of her party.

Each day she gets to tear off one link so she can see us getting closer and closer to the day.

Ideally you would do this for about 2 or 3 weeks but since she is so curious we are getting an early start. And that is why I have a floor length paper chain hanging in my dining room :)

weekend mornings

2011-10-02T10:32:00.004-05:00

I love the first few hours of the day every weekend! Everyone wakes happy (albeit groggy) and filled with hope for a fun family day. All the meltdowns and timeouts and disagreements and stresses from the day before have been wiped from memory. No one rushes. The house is filled with the sounds of children's movies, giggles, and silly stories. The smell of a long overdue homemade breakfast escapes from the kitchen. Bellies beg to be tickled and cheeks long to be kissed.

All week long I look forward to those precious few hours of togetherness and contentment. There is no place more important to be than on the couch cuddling with a child.

When the spell is broken (by a crying baby or a tantrum-ing toddler or a nagging wife or a gripey husband) a normal day proceeds. And normalcy is beautiful. But, nothing beats the rhythm of a perfect Sunday morning!

untitled

2011-09-28T15:04:00.006-05:00

This morning I took a break from getting ready to check on Avery and this is what I found:

I tried taking the toys off, but Emma interrupted and said "do NOT do that, mom! I was being nice and sharing so you let me." Well alright then. Thanks for settling that Em.

When we got home Avery was asleep in her carseat so I used the time to unpack our bags and start working on tomorrow's lunches and bottles. But when Emma started asking where I put her sunglasses I knew I had to check on things.

Apparently they were going to watch a show, and the show was inside the book. At the time of this posting the entire hearth is covered with babies and stuffed animals. Emma is sucking on Avery's paci and threatening time out to anyone who isn't paying attention to the show :)

Look at this adorable little bunny! My friend Tiffiany made this for Avery and I think it's super cute!

a song

2011-09-27T12:17:00.003-05:00

Emma came home from school the other day singing this song, and I thought it was so cute!

Here are the words in case you have a hard time understanding her:

Caterpillar, caterpillar, wiggling up the tree

He wiggles left, he wiggles right, he wiggles right at me

I put him in a box

Don't go away I say

But when I open up the box it's a butterfly instead

I can never make it even if I try

Cause only God in heaven can make a butterfly

Tea Time

2011-09-24T17:38:00.006-05:00

Emma and I met some friends at Inspirations Tea Room for lunch today for some very special big-girl time. We had a blast, but the moms decided we'd leave all the kids at home next time ;)

Sisters before we left. Avery stayed with J, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to get a picture of them in a matching outfit. Jason and Avery did great together, by the way. This was their first time being alone together, and it was a success! They even got some grocery shopping done. In the words of salt-n-pepa: what a mighty good man!

Emma's "Princess Tray." So cute! She had sandwiches, fruit, cheese, and dessert.

I had to take a picture of this little sandwich. I mean, how adorable is that?

Trying her peach tea ... she didn't love it.

It was like pulling teeth to get the girls to pose for a picture. We tried several times and each time one of the girls (usually Emma) would start whining and then all three would lose it. Finally we managed to at least get them sitting next to each other and attempting to smile on cue. I still couldn't get Em to wear the hat. Oh well, that just gives us a reason to go back!!

sheeeeesh!!!

2011-09-21T10:24:00.004-05:00

So, Emma had to be at school early today for picture day. We managed to get there about 15 minutes later than I intended, but good enough. Then we stood in line for 30 minutes while I used all my power to convince Emma she did want to wear the giant orange bow in her hair, and she didn't need to take off her shirt. It was her turn to take a picture, and as luck would have it the director stepped in at that moment and said "you all don't need to stand in line out here, just go on in and have a seat." Now we had an audience, which is never a good thing for my wall flower. I sat her down, her chin quivered, and the tears started rolling. The picture taker handed her a Snow White book, and she threw it in the floor. "I don't wannntttt to take a picture! I don't liiiiiikkke pictures!" I just love when my kid acts like that, especially when there are 10 other mothers there to stare at me. So I took the walk of shame out of the picture room with my non-cooperating crying kid.

Then we get to her classroom and she goes into hysterics. For the life of me I can't figure out what is happening. Finally she calms enough to tell me that I forgot her Barney. I'm already late for work, but I realize I can't leave her in this condition. So I drove back home, got the Barney, and delivered her to school an hour late.

Now I'm at work where I realize I left my lunch in the fridge at home, and even though I've only been here two minutes I already have to take my break so I can pump milk for Avery.

I swear I used to be a punctual intelligent person. Now I'm always late and I can't remember where I'm supposed to be half the time. The icing on the cake? It took me 20 minutes (no lie) to come up with the word punctual. I have also lost half my vocabulary.

I used to get so mad at my mom for those very things. "Why are we always late MOM?" "The name of the movie is TWISTER, not Tornado, MOM." "How could you forget to send me with lunch money MOM?" Karma is a real bitch!

If you need me I'll be at work chewing on my hair and trying to figure out how to answer the phone.

conglomeration

2011-09-15T20:00:00.008-05:00

I have a conglomeration of completely unrelated things to share. Enjoy!

1. Pinterest has me feeling very crafty lately. I decided I needed a pretty fall wreath for my door, so I made this beauty for around $10. I got the idea off pinterest, and followed this tutorial. I think it's adorable!

2. Also from pinterest ... I know I know, but you can expect to see it mentioned from now on ... I saw this sign:
If that's true, then I WIN!!!! Just check out my sink for the proof:

3. The girls were both wearing red and denim the other day and I had to capture the cuteness!

4. Emma got to wear tights and a jacket to school today! It was 54 and drizzly when I picked her up. That is my kind of weather!

5. I buckled Avery into her chair while I did something around the house and when I went to retrieve her this is what I found :)

Coasters

2011-09-13T16:33:00.005-05:00

These were our gifts for Grandparent's Day: coasters made from Emma's paintings. You could do this using kid's pictures, or fancy paper, or newspaper clippings, or whatever fits in your home. I think it would be really fun to do some with scrapbook paper and the person's monogram.

Here is a step-by-step of how we did it:

1. Go to Lowe's and buy 4x4 white tiles for 16 cents each.

2. Cut your paper to fit the tile. You could be much more exact than I was if you have fancy tools like a cricut machine, or just a ruler :)

3. Use Mod Podge to adhere the paper to the tiles. You want to cover the tile in MP and stick the paper on top, and then brush MP all over the top of the paper. I did two coats.

4. After the MP dries completely clear and hard, spray paint the tiles with several coats of clear acrylic.

Voila! Homemade personalized coasters. This project cost me a grand total of $1.28 since I already had the other supplies on hand.

This would make a great housewarming gift!

Grandparent's Day!

2011-09-10T13:43:00.009-05:00

Today we celebrated Grandparent's Day. Did you know it exists? No doubt a holiday created by greeting card companies, but still our parents deserve to be honored for being such incredible grandparents!

We had them over for brunch and an art show :) We are not a fancy people, but it's fun to pretend sometimes!

We feasted on quiche, waffles, fruit, mimosas, and snickerdoodle lattes. Delicious!

Our eyes were not starved either, as we admired some of Emma's recent master pieces. I just pinned a ribbon up on the wall and used clothes pins to display her paintings. She thought it was pretty cool to have her creations shown off like that!

We couldn't send them home without a proper gift! I used a few of Emma's paintings to make coasters for them. I thought that was a neat way to present them with her art rather than just giving them something to hang on the fridge. I'm going to post a tutorial for the coasters soon. Here is our final product:

I have to get all Hallmark on you for just a moment while I gush about how blessed my kids are by these wonderful people.

My mom, Nanny, has kept both my kids for a total of about three years now, and that is absolutely priceless to me. Not only are they cared for by a loving, trustworthy person, but it has also saved us thousands of dollars. I know that any time I am drowning in parenthood I can call and she will come relieve me for a few hours. She regularly keeps Emma overnight so Jason and I can have some alone time. And she has taught Emma MUCH of what she knows ... letters, numbers, colors, shapes, songs, etc. At least once a week Emma calls her Nanny and begs to come play!

My mother-in-law, Nonna, has been there for anything and everything I have asked her to help with! She is always up for a trip to the park, the zoo, the museum, or any other adventure we dream up. She keeps Avery stocked in diapers, and even helped me build my cloth diaper stash. If I am having a hectic day I know I can count on her to come entertain Emma and bring us dinner so her son won't starve :) She is kind and gentle and fun, and a blessing to us all. Every time we go to Nonna's house Emma cries when it's time to leave, and makes it perfectly clear that she'd much rather be at Nonna's than at home!

And that's just the women! I can't brag enough about G-Paw and PaPaw Don. When I was growing up I didn't have a whole lot to do with my grandfathers. My dad's dad died when I was 12 and I was always scared of him. My mom's dad passed away in March, and we had a good relationship but I don't have that many childhood memories that include him. We grew close as I got older. I know things will be very different for Emma and Avery. They have two of the most amazing and involved grandpas ever!! Both men are willing to play tea party or dress up or baby dolls if that's what Emma wants. They also have no hesitation about taking her outside for some rough and tumble play. I think what is unique about them is that they both have their own relationship with the kids. They don't rely on the women to be close to them, and to do all the babysitting. They are always there and willing to be involved however they can. They have put together toys, carried Emma around on their shoulders, bounced her on the trampoline, and kissed her ouchies. They are both such wonderful grandfathers and my girls are no doubt going to learn just how a man ought to treat them!

My own relationship with all four of them has also grown immensely from watching them with my kids, and from working out the disagreements and conflicts that come from raising our kids in close connection to them. I tend to think that if you've never had a conflict with some certain person then you just haven't gotten close enough to them yet, or you are just lying. And, isn't that what makes relationships unbreakable? Knowing that even when disagreements happen and feelings get hurt, you can work it out. There is a certain level of depth and trust that is built when you have been through something difficult with a person and come out on the other side. It is so comforting to know that even when they might disagree with a decision we've made about our kids they are always there to support and encourage and -- most importantly -- to play :)

So Happy Grandparent's Day to four of the most amazing people on the planet! We can't say it enough: we love you!

A Funny and An Aawwww

2011-09-08T10:03:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I was reading Snow White to Emma, and at the end I said "they got married and lived happily ever after."

Emma: are you married?

Me: yes, I'm married to daddy and that means we'll live together forever

Emma: well I want to marry with Avery so we can live together forever

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I saw this on pinterest and thought it was really good. I think I've seen it before, but it's always worth the reminder!

I have honestly been feeling a little burnt out in the mom department lately. I love them as much as I always have, but I just feel less enthusiastic about creating great days for them ... mostly just Emma at this point. It's a great day for Avery if she's cried less than 3 hours from her poor little belly aches. I wake up in the morning and think "man I would love just one day to lay on the couch in my pajamas and watch TV without moving." I used to wake up and think "What fun thing can I do with Emma today?"

I have been keeping this verse in my mind:

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1-3

I don't want to become complacent about raising my girls and get lazy with them. I want to run this parenting journey being full of zeal and patient endurance.

So I'm trying to dig a little deeper and find the "weights that slow me down and the sin that so easily entangles." I think it will be easier to change my feelings if I know where they are really coming from. I love being a mom and I want to do it with excellence. No half-assery allowed! So I think I'm going to print this little sign and hang it on my fridge. And maybe in Emma's time-out spot too so I can remember it when I'm angry :)

2 months!

2011-09-06T18:25:00.003-05:00

Avery is two months old! She actually turned two months yesterday but I thought yesterday was the fourth so I'm behind a day. Sorry Avery :)

We go to the doctor next week, but I'm guessing she's hovering right around 11 pounds. She wears 0-3 month clothes and a size 1 diaper. She is starting to go longer between feedings, and usually makes it about three hours. I let her eat and sleep whenever she needs to, so we don't have any hard schedules pinned down and I don't expect to for several more months. Right now she sleeps most of the day in her swing. She comes to life around 7:00 pm and is awake for a few hours until I nurse her to sleep.

Her tummy is starting to cause some major fits, and I am doing my best to figure out what foods are triggering it and to cut them out. Right now I am off dairy and nuts completely. I have noticed that even a small amount of any kind of dairy (or anything containing dairy like biscuits or pancakes or cookies or cake), or peanut butter it will cause her to have painful gas and break out in a rash on her face and diaper area. I am also staying away from anything spicy or acidic like tomatoes, onions, peppers, citrus fruit, and gassy veggies like broccoli and salad. And worst of all is chocolate! It is difficult to have such a limited diet, but I am hoping she will grow out of it soon! If not then formula might be in her future.

Other than that things are still going well! If you have kids then you know it's hard and it's exhausting. But, I wouldn't trade this type of hard for any other lifestyle! I am SO thankful for my two girls and for the perfect timing of their entrance into our lives. I am completely content with the status of my family right now. I have to say that adjusting to two children has been much easier than the adjustment to adding the first child.

I am blessed to have such a great support network and a helpful husband. In fact he and Emma are out on an ice cream date right now :)

GAK!

2011-09-05T13:09:00.004-05:00

Who remembers Gak? It was a slimy, gooey, messy, putty type stuff that came in a little plastic container. Well, in all my pinterest perusing I found a recipe for homemade gak and I knew it was a must!

I love letting Emma get messy and experimenting with different textures. We tried it out last week during our play date with cute little miss Anistyn. She is the daughter of a long-lost friend from Sayre.

Things started out innocently enough ...

But leave it to my kid to escalate it to this ...

Ha! She spent the rest of the play date with gak-caked hair and clothes. It washed out of her clothes in the machine with no pre-treating necessary. Score! There was some screaming involved in getting it out of her hair, but I did manage to get it out without having to lose any of that precious hair :)

I think I went wrong by letting them have too much. Next time I will split it into fourths and only let her play with a small amount.

GAK RECIPE

1 bottle Elmer's glue
Food coloring
Liquid starch

Empty the glue into a bowl and add your desired amount of food coloring. Add the starch one tablespoon at a time until it reaches the right consistency. It should be slimy and slick, but not runny. If it sticks to your fingers you need more starch.

The food coloring did not stain her clothes or hair, and I am guessing it's because it sticks to the glue.

We had fun with it and I am definitely filing it away for those long winter days when we are stuck inside!!

Smiles

2011-09-01T18:54:00.003-05:00

I have finally been able to capture some of Avery's smiles on camera!

She loves her daddy.

We had Jason's cousin and his family over for dinner last night and Avery put on quite the show :)

Today Emma even got in on the action. I love this picture!

After this Emma said "Awww thank you for the smiles little Avery. I sure love you." It doesn't get much better than that!

P.S. Emma dressed herself. She LOVES wearing her "daddy shirt" and always insists on non-matching "comfy pants, not the crunchy ones." That is how she classifies things: crunchy and soft.

Good Day

2011-08-30T19:22:00.006-05:00

Emma walked right into Small World this morning like she had been going there for years. She didn't even hesitate or pause to say goodbye. I was so proud of her!

On the way there she said "I want daddy to bring me another surprise when I get home." Last week her brought her a cupcake after her first day of school. I told her that daddy would bring her another surprise whenever she walked in her classroom without crying for me. I hesitated to say that because I don't want her to feel like I disapprove of her crying or wanting me. But I don't know how to convey to a 2 year old that she can make the choice to control her behavior and emotions.

So anyway, she did great and didn't shed a tear. Then I had to make sure Jason got the message that she expected a surprise. And just like I knew he would, he ran out on his lunch break and got her this:

A Dora doll and movie. Such a good daddy! In case you can't tell she was SO excited and proud to have earned that. She and daddy cuddled on the couch this evening and got them broke in :)

One week into the school experience and Emma is already sick. UGH! This is what I've been dreading. She's got a cold and I'm suspecting a slight sinus infection. I'm going to send her in the morning because I don't want to break the flow of drop off and have to start all over again. But I'm only leaving her for a couple hours before I pick her up and bring her home for a good afternoon nap!

Before school this morning Em asked me to put Avery on her new toy so they could play with it together. So dang sweet!

Speaking of Avery, she is the perfect size right now! Big and hearty enough that I don't worry she might stop breathing at any moment, but still small enough to curl into my lap for a little nap.

Just look at those chubby little legs. I absolutely adore them!

excuse me while i pin

2011-08-29T19:31:00.002-05:00

i'm swaying avery in one arm and it's too hard to do capital letters one-handed.

i am newly addicted to pinterest.com, but i hesitate to direct you there because you will now know the source of all my creativity and gifting ideas (stolen ideas).

however i am telling you so you'll know why i have to keep this short.

avery has been really fussy lately and i think em may be getting sick. so i'm off to pin away my stress :)

Updates

2011-08-25T13:38:00.009-05:00

Just to suck you in, I'm adding a picture of the sisters this morning :) It's really hard to get a good picture of them together!

Avery went through three clothing changes before we got out the door. Poor girl can't stop spitting up!

______________________________________________________________

Well, Emma is doing better at Small World (that's the name of her MDO program). On Wednesday and Thursday she started crying as we were driving to the church, and saying "I want to go home," and "I'm scared," and "Please stay out in the hallway," and "I can just go work with you." I absolutely hate having to say no to her sweet, sobbing little pleas! On Wednesday I still had to force her into the room, but they said she settled right in after about 30 minutes and had a "much better day." On Thursday she was crying loudly as soon as we walked in the church doors and immediately started saying "I don't want to hang my back pack. I don't want to put my cup down. I don't want to stay!" But she did walk in the room by herself without me having to push her in. And I didn't even cry! So we are making small but steady progress, which is exactly what I expected and hoped for.

I talked to the director today and she said they are very impressed with Emma's ability to articulate herself. She said Em can express her thoughts and feelings as well as most four year olds. I told Jason I think she was just looking for a nice way to tell me our kid never shuts up ;) As if I don't already know that!!

_______________________________________________________

Refer to every post before Avery was born to read about how adamantly I felt that she must sleep in her bed. Guess where she's been sleeping the past two weeks? Yep. My bed. I am so weak y'all! The problem is I love it. For the first several weeks of her life she got fussy in the afternoons but then settled in the evening and fell right to sleep in her bassinet around 7:30. She has shifted her fussy time to the evenings and hasn't been falling to sleep until around 11:30, and that is only because I finally just lay down with her and let her nurse herself to sleep. And this lady needs to be asleep by 10 if I'm going to function the next morning.

Note: this was supposed to be a super cute picture of Avery asleep in my bed, but of course I can't find that picture so I subbed in this one instead. Here, the girls are gossiping about their first day at school.

I love waking up in the morning to her warm tinyness cuddled right up against me. I love how she wakes me in the night with her grunts and head bobs to tell me it's time to eat, rather than having to scream and sob to get my attention. I love stroking her cottony-silky hair as I listen to the rhythmic sound of her nursing and falling back to sleep.

Hello my name is Abbey and I love bed sharing with newborns. Help me???

I am trying to remind myself that she won't be a newborn forever and I will regret letting her get settled into our bed. I thought we'd never get Emma transitioned into her own bed, and I remember how gut wrenching it was listening to her scream while Jason rocked her for hours and hours. And yet here I am with Avery in my bed.

____________________________________________________________

I am really enjoying being back at work! It was SO miserable working full time when Em was an infant, and I am beyond grateful to have this wonderful flexible job, and a hard-working husband who provides for us. I am going to be really sad when this position ends. I said on facebook that God blessed me with this job because He knew I'd be a lousy mom if I was home all the time with no breaks, and I'd be a lousy wife if I worked all day and cared for kids the rest of the time. I'm not joking!

_______________________________________________________________

That's the end of my updates. I'm ready for a great weekend of shopping (Em went to bed on Tuesday with a size 7 foot and woke up on Wednesday with a size 8), swimming, and birthday partying!!

Day One

2011-08-23T12:36:00.010-05:00

Today was the big day. Work for me. Mother's Day Out for Emma. Nanny's for Avery.

My only true concern was for Emma. She has always had a difficult time adjusting to new situations. Introducing new people, weaning, getting new beds, even getting a different sippy cup have all proven this to be true. She craves consistency. So I have known that the transition to "school" would be challenging, but I also know she will love it when she gets over the adjustment hump.

Here she is with her backpack and lunch bag. I can't believe how big my first baby looks!

Mom picked up Avery this morning so Emma wouldn't have to face the trauma that sissy gets to stay at nanny's but she doesn't. We were hoping to minimize the difficulty of this morning for her, and I think it was a great decision!

I honestly did not have a hard time saying goodbye to Avery. I miss her like crazy because she is like a part of my physical being. I carried her in my body, prayed over her unseen body, and rubbed my belly dreaming about her. Then I delivered her and my arms were the first she felt holding her close. Since then she has spent the majority of her time in my arms, wrapped around my body, or nursing. Our bond is very physical, and being more than a few feet away from her feels like a vital organ is missing.

So, while it is emotional to be away from her, I am not worried about her. She is an easy baby and I trust my mom to take great care of her. I still miss her, but I am not concerned for her.

Here are the sisters just before Avery left:

I took Emma to her classroom and helped her hang her backpack. She still seemed excited at that point. Then we walked to her classroom door and I bent down to hug her. She wrapped herself around me as tightly as she could and cried "I don't want to go! Don't leave!" I told her she was going to have fun, and it was time for me to go. Then I kissed her, and stood up and the fight began. She was kicking, screaming, crying, and trying to run away from the classroom. I had to physically force her into the teacher's arms and then I lost it. I didn't want her to see me upset so I just bolted. Thank God the exit door is right next to her classroom! I walked out with several parents offering encouragement and sympathetic "I've been there" looks.

The thing that is so hard is seeing her in pain, and knowing that from this day on she is no longer completely under my shelter. She will get her feelings hurt by other kids. She might be teased. The teachers might be too busy to pay attention when she needs help. She might not get invited to all the birthday parties. She is away from the bubble of people who love her wholeheartedly, and it is scary. I also want her teachers to love her. I don't want her to be the kid they dread seeing walk in the door every day because she is high maintenance. I'm going to take them a gift next week ... I've heard bribery helps :)

I called later to check on her and this is the story from her teacher: she continued with her fit for about an hour until they went outside. The director checked on her at that point and helped her out to the playground where she was just sniffling and moping, but no more tears. The play ground is right in front of the parking lot so she was looking out the bars into the parking lot when the director came to ask what she was doing. She replied "I know my mama's car is out there somewhere!" The teacher then took her by the hand to lead her back to the toys and Emma looked her square in the eye and said "I don't like your school!" LOL, at least she can speak her mind. Then came back inside for some play-doh time and she enjoyed that as long as they would let her have the color she wanted :) That sounds just like my Emma, ha!!

I picked her up at 2:30 and she looked beat down. Her eyes had dark circles from exhaustion and her cheeks and eyelids were speckled with little red dots where she had strained her blood vessels from crying so hard. She held me tight and said "you can just carry me."

The good thing is that it can only get better from here, right? I am not telling her she shouldn't cry because I want her to know she can express any feelings to me without reprimand or punishment. I am just reassuring her that I will always pick her up, and I know she will have fun when she is able to calm down and make friends.

As for me, I enjoyed being in the office. I'm ready for tomorrow!

meet and greet

2011-08-22T19:27:00.007-05:00

We got to meet Emma's teachers for Mother's Day Out this evening, and she got to play in her classroom.

Here are the girls all dolled up and ready to go:

Emma reacted pretty much just as we expected. She was very reserved and sweet. I was encouraging her to go play with some other kids, and she said "I will have fun with the kids when they leave" and pointed to all the parents. That gave me some hope for tomorrow! I really wanted a picture of her with her teachers Ms. Bobbi and Ms. Valerie, but I was the only parent with a camera and I don't want to be known as the crazy camera lady!

She got to pick two balloons from Dollar Tree for being so brave and excited for school. Jason said there were at least 30 balloons tied together and Emma immediately spotted the only two Elmo balloons in the whole bunch.

Avery also starts her new adventure at nanny's tomorrow, and I'm not worried about her at all. I think they will do great! She's a pretty easy baby so once nanny learns to decipher her cries, it will be easy as pie.

Here is the kitchen counter as I was laying out all our stuff for tomorrow:

And that's not even including Avery's diaper bag, my two gallons of water, or Emma's lunch bag. It is literally going to take me six trips to the car to get everything and everyone loaded!

Speaking of Emma's lunch bag, she has been very interested in what she will get to eat at school. She had to have a particular kind of cheese, and she has requested peanut butter and apples for Wednesday :) She won't have access to a fridge or microwave, and everything must be self-feed. I refuse to send lunchables, so I'm hoping this system will work well! Here is tomorrow's lunch:

She's got carrots and tomatoes with ranch dressing, and some grapes.

And for protein she has turkey and cheese. I am going to kill my mother (a.k.a nanny) for introducing Emma to this cheese! It is the most expensive cheese in the store, and now the only kind she wants to eat.

I am ready to get this show on the road and settle in to our new routine!

Here's hoping for a stupendous week!!!

she never stops

2011-08-18T19:45:00.002-05:00

this is what it's like all day at my house.

this is a long one, but if you stick around for the grand finale you'll get to see up my skirt.

Untitled from Abbey Charlow on Vimeo.

moving on

2011-08-15T20:06:00.009-05:00

We are over last week. His grace is new every morning, and I'm trying to do the same.

I woke up tired and groggy this morning but I told myself to snap out of it and create a good day for Emma. One cup of Black Currant and Vanilla tea later I was ready to go!

We started simple with some bubble blowing.

When Emma said "I'm bored let's go inside," I made a quick decision to do something better than watch Barney and enforce time outs. I forget how hard it is to be spontaneous with a newborn! Twenty five minutes later -- after packing the diaper bag, pumping milk for a bottle, soothing a gassy baby, loading the car, and getting toddler snacks prepared -- we were out the door and ready for some water fun!

I had one last surprise up my sleeve so we topped off our morning by spoiling lunch with a 10:30 a.m. milkshake. Totally worth it!

It's amazing how much better my mood is when we are keeping busy (in all honesty I am just as bad as Emma about needing to be entertained), and how much more productive that makes me! I was able to do four loads of laundry, two sink fulls of dishes, and everyone got a nap.

GREAT MONDAY!!

One last good report: we are done with diapers! Emma is continuing to poop in the potty with no issues, and I just got her night-time cloth panties in the mail today. I'm one happy momma!

MERCY!!!

2011-08-13T20:12:00.004-05:00

Did you ever play Mercy when you were a kid? The whole purpose of the game is to see which participant can withstand the most torture. Whenever you can't handle it any longer you scream MERCY and the other person has to stop whatever they are doing.

Well this week had me curled up in a fetal position bawling MERRRRRRCYYYYY!!

Back before I had any kids people would ask Jason and I how many children we wanted and we'd usually say four. We wanted four kids. Whoever asked us that question would generally chuckle and say "just wait." I thought that was such a rude response. But now I'm beginning to see.

The reason I'm posting about this is because I don't want anyone reading to get a false impression of who we are as a family. I usually stick to posts about happy things and bucolic parenting moments. But I don't want to come off as if everything is perfect and I have it all figured out. While I'm not out to air all our dirty laundry, I do want to be real.

So let's be real for a moment ...

This week has been from h.e.l.l. Even though Emma was gone for two nights and I got to have a beautiful birthday, I would still rank this as one of the Top 10 Worst parenting weeks yet.

Emma's behavior has been ... I can't even think of a word to accurately describe it ... just bad.

My behavior has not been much better. We have been hateful to each other. We've yelled at each other.

We were competing to see who could have the worst attitude I guess.

Avery is still sweet and perfect and new :)

Just when I thought I had figured out how to appropriately discipline Emma she went and threw me for a total loop. I don't know if she needs more spankings or more attention. I don't know if I need to stand my ground or throw my hands in the air and admit that I've done everything wrong and created a future inmate. Here is a short sample of things that have happened at our house this week:

My Kindle got broken.

TWO bottles of fingernail polish have been broken/ intentionally spilled in various rooms of the house.

My jewelry box got dumped and scattered down the hall.

The baby got woken up.

The baby got manhandled.

Parents were pinched.

Parents were kicked.

Parents were hit.

Parents were bit.

My toilet got covered in stickers.

Food was spit in the floor.

I was repeatedly told "I don't love you."

Bedtime issues have been rekindled.

Naps are nonexistent.

NOOOOO could be heard reverberating through my house at any moment of the day.

I'll just stop there because I'm getting depressed.

So when Jason came home on Thursday and saw that I was frazzled and at the end of my rapidly fraying rope he quickly said "What can I do?" My first thought was "you can go get a vasectomy because this is just too hard!"

But I got to end today by sitting on the porch enjoying the beautiful evening and blowing bubbles with Emma. Just us. And it reminded me that we will get through this adjustment time. She won't be this age forever. She won't always demolish my stuff, tell me she doesn't love me, and ask to move out.

Until then I will just have to pray a little harder and keep some extra kleenex on hand for our bad weeks. If anybody out there has figured out how to be the perfect parent could you just write it down and send it to me?!

just some good ol' fashioned bragging

2011-08-11T18:16:00.005-05:00

Avery went to the pediatrician today and she weighed in at 8 pounds 13 ounces!!!! That means she has gained two pounds in only three weeks. Holy cow! She has also grown two inches since birth. She has been working hard on keeping her milk down :)

Here's the big girl right before her appointment:

She is in the 25th percentile for height and weight, which means 75% of babies her age are taller and heavier than she is. But she's in the 75th percentile for head size, ha! Emma's stats were exactly the same throughout her infancy, so apparently we just have big-headed kids.

The prodigal daughter returned today feeling much better than when she left. Hallelujah! It's such a blessing that she has somewhere to go when she's sick of me. Seriously, it is. I think it makes me a better mom and helps our relationship stay on a good path. I need to be better about giving her attention when Avery is sleeping, but she's also having to learn to share attention for the first time in her life and it's hard! I know some adults who seem to have never learned that lesson.

Emma has been doing AWESOME with potty training and we have made huge progress in the past week. I can't even explain what a weight off my shoulders that is! She has been pooping in the potty with no objection and no help. She loves digging through her treasure box and picking a prize. Today's treasure was some makeup. ha!

When we run out of diapers I'm not buying more. I'll either buy pull-ups or some cloth training diapers for her to wear at night until she gets the hang of that. And we'll stop using the treasure box for pooping, and instead use it when she goes all night without wetting the bed.

I'm convinced the hardest part of disciplining and teaching a child (at least a toddler) is self discipline!! It's hard to make 35 trips back to time out because the kid won't sit down; it's hard to spend half your day running to the potty and cleaning up messes when you don't quite make it; it's hard to remain calm and kind when you are full of anger; it is going to be really hard to get up and clean a wet bed in the middle of the night when I am also up every 3 hours nursing Avery. Parenting is not for the weak!

29!!!!

2011-08-10T20:03:00.004-05:00

I turned 29 today, and I've had a fantastic day! Jason took the day off work and he and Avery took me out on the town.

Here's my little ladybug all ready to go:

We went to a movie ... Crazy Stupid Love ... and it was great! I definitely recommend the movie. Avery did awesome in the theater. She slept most of the time and just woke up to eat.

Then we had a delicious lunch at my favorite Italian food restaurant: Bravo. YUM!

Of course a birthday isn't complete without cake, so Jason took me to GiGi's cupcakes for these beauties:

You are looking at Merry Margarita, Champagne, S'mores, Southern Comfort, Banana Cream Pie, and Banana Split. We will name the next 10 pounds after GiGi and her amazing cupcakes.

Round out the day with a little shopping, and I'm now completely content to be snuggled in bed with my knight in shining Jason watching Boston Legal.

After we had a terrible day together yesterday, Emma has requested that she move in with her Nanny. I can't let that happen but I did let her stay last night and tonight for a little staycation :) I think the honeymoon is over for everyone and we are all having some growing pains with our newly enlarged family.

Speaking of our newest member I have to show you one more sleeping photo:

I continue to be amazed by how easily she falls asleep. No fighting or crying or walking the halls or driving the streets. She just sleeps. Wow!

Csection vs. Natural

2011-08-09T11:44:00.002-05:00

And by natural I just mean coming out "down there," I do not mean the absence of drugs! My epidural was the best thing that happened that day, except the birth of a healthy baby :)

I wanted to jot down my thoughts on the pros and cons of both ways while it's still fresh on my mind.

With recovery behind me (today is 5 weeks post surgery and I feel completely back to normal), I think I prefer the c-section.

The pain was more intense for the first few days after the surgery than after natural birth, but at 10 days post partum I felt better after the csection. There are certainly things about the section that I did not/ do not like:

1. The spinal block. It made me hot and sweaty and nauseated, and I itched all over my body for a week afterward.

2. The weird belly pudge that is likely never going away.

3. Not having that moment where they lay my wide-eyed newborn on my chest and we stare at each other asking "what in the world just happened?"

I was fortunate that labor and delivery with Emma was so quick and easy! It was a great experience, and I missed having the excitement of that "This Is It" moment when Jason is putting on his scrubs and getting ready to catch our baby. But having stitches and trauma in your private area is just not fun. I had pain down there for a long time. And I had a lot of lower back/ tailbone pain that I am not having to experience this time.

So even though I'd rate the pain of a csection higher than the pain of a natural birth, I'd prefer to have belly pain than private part pain. LOL.

Am I the only one who had bouts of uncontrollable shaking after having kids? I'm pretty sure I traumatized some visitors with that unfortunate side effect. What causes that? The sudden change in blood pressure? At any rate, that was the worst side effect in my opinion.

I had heard that a csection birth can make breastfeeding more challenging, but I didn't experience that and everyone I know who had a csection has gone on to breastfeed successfully.

Now, let me say I am not a proponent of elective csections!! They are more risky for both baby and mommy, and the infant mortality rate is higher in csections than in natural births. Avery also had some issues because of being a csection baby:

1. She needed a little help to get started breathing.

2. She was very congested.

3. She spit up a lot.

4. She didn't want to eat for the first couple days, causing weight gain issues.

What do those things have to do with the method of birth? With every contraction fluid is pushed out of the baby's belly and lungs, but Avery didn't have that so she was born full of fluid. She was congested and had difficulty breathing comfortably for a couple weeks because her nose and lungs still had some fluid in them. She wasn't interested in eating and she spit up most of what she did eat because her belly was still full of fluid.

Those are my two cents! If I were to have another child I would like to do a VBAC (vaginal birth after csection), but that is not an option for me because of the way they had to cut me based on Avery's position. Yes I preferred the csection, but I know that vaginal is healthier for baby so that is what I would do if I had a choice.

AIR!!

2011-08-07T07:05:00.003-05:00

Emma seems to have a thing for flying. She will jump off anything that stands still long enough!

1 Month!

2011-08-05T15:21:00.008-05:00

"read the shirt peeps"

Avery you are one month old today, and we are so proud to call you ours! So far you are laid back and peaceful, a sweet breeze in our house. We sit in bed at night and just stare at you, marveling at how perfect you are.

You are a tiny thing! You are still wearing newborn diapers and newborn clothes, and you eat every two hours pretty much around the clock. You get fussy in the afternoons, and I think it's because my morning coffee has found its way into your milk. But, mama can't make it through the day with you and your spirited sister unless I have my coffee. And I've learned I can cure you pretty quickly with some Gripe Water and the 5 S's. You are an eager nurser and usually don't know when to quit. I have learned to keep burp cloths in every room of the house!

This is what you looked like one month ago:

"well hello world"

This is what you look like today:

"hmmm .... how should I get revenge for this ridiculous bow?"

I hope you know how much we love you and how thankful we are for you! All three of us. Emma absolutely adores you, and I pray every day that adoration continues to grow and mature as you two develop a relationship. Anytime you act restless or fussy Emma rushes to your side and says "I think she needs her Emma" as she tries to pull you out of my arms. There is no doubt that the three of us are madly in love with you!

You are a blessing, Avery Nora, and I hope you always know that!

the cost of potty training

2011-08-03T19:49:00.004-05:00

Most of you have probably heard me mumble and mope about the complete stall out we've had in regards to potty training. Let me give you a quick time line:

18-20 months: sitting on potty before bath, after nap, etc just to get acquainted with the idea

20-24 months: small bits of time spent in panties each day to learn how to control bladder

24-27 months: discover second pregnancy, feel exhausted and sick and get lazy about panty wearing

27-31 months: reignite potty training, reintroduce panties, stop diapering at naptime

31 months: car accident, bed rest, mad dash to prepare for Avery's arrival, get lazy about panties once again

33 months: SO sick of this cycle and ready to just be done with diapers!!!

It's been 14 months since we first started using the potty, at least 10 months since we've had an accident, and yet we are still buying diapers.

Why?

Because Emma is just like me. Strong-willed. Stubborn. Hard headed. Whatever you want to call it, she is. And somewhere along the way she decided that she would not poop in the potty. So for the past several months she has been wearing panties all day, except at night and when she needs to poop. She will bring us a diaper, then go hide and do her business, and then tell us she's ready to be cleaned and put on her panties again.

Ridiculous, no?! Let me break to say I do NOT judge anyone whose kid is not potty trained by this age. This is not about me trying to get her trained by some certain age or point in time. It is about me knowing she is ready and fully aware of what she's doing, but she just refuses to do what I ask. If she was having frequent accidents it would be one thing, but she has NO accidents so I know good and well she can do it.

This week I just decided I had had all I could stand. Maybe it's because I spend the vast majority of my day cleaning various bodily fluids.

So I broke down and made her a "treasure chest." I have been avoiding doing this for several reasons but I am now at the point of doing whatever it takes!

We went to Target and spent $50 filling this tub full of little trinkets. Whenever she poops in the potty she gets to pick a toy.

I hate to admit it, but it's working! We had one major battle of the wills today and I wound up throwing my hands in the air and walking away. I told her she was not getting a diaper, but I would not force her to sit on the potty either. I told her it would hurt her belly if she held it in, and she could pick anything she wanted from her treasure box if she chose to go. Then I didn't ask her about it again.

A few hours later we were playing in her room and she ran to the bathroom to go pee. Then she yelled "I did it mom! I pooped in the potty!" She just needed it to be her idea. No pressure and no watchful eye. She was so proud of herself and of the Elmo book she picked from her treasure chest.

Let's pray she gets another treasure tomorrow!

on a roll

2011-08-02T19:44:00.007-05:00

Avery goes back to the pediatrician next week, and I can't wait to see how much she has grown! I am no longer worried about her gaining weight and here is why:

chubby chin.

tiny ticklers. this one is just for fun.

full face.

lovely (rolly) legs.

bountiful body.

I love it!

little miss smarty pants

2011-08-01T19:48:00.002-05:00

At 2 years and 8 months Emma can count to 100, recognize varying shades of colors, and sing her ABC's forwards and backwards.

Okay not really. She can't do any of those things.

But she is learning the United States map!

Untitled from Abbey Charlow on Vimeo.

Is honestly always the best policy?

2011-08-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night that involved a friendship of mine that dissolved several years ago. It made me wake up thinking about my lost friend and the circumstances that ended our relationship.

Since I don't really know who all reads this blog I am going to try to keep it very vague. Here is the gist: something happened and I had to make the choice to tell my friend what I knew or to distance myself from her. Those were the only two options I could see at the time.

If I had told her she would have been destroyed. That is no exaggeration. It would have been devastating to her, and I knew the ultimate result would be the ending of our friendship (I should add that this "something" that happened was not my issue nor did I do anything wrong) simply because I was the whistle blower. I thought I knew my friend well enough to know how she would react to the information.

So I thought about it and asked a couple people for advice. One said I had to be completely honest with my friend and tell her everything I knew, even though I was certain it would spell the end of our relationship and a lot of heartache for her. The other person said I should just keep quiet and try to preserve the relationship as best as I could while putting some distance between us.

I chose to keep quiet about what I knew and instead start distancing myself from the situation. I know you are probably wondering why I couldn't just continue with the friendship as it was and still keep my mouth shut. It just wasn't possible, but I can't be too specific because I certainly don't want to risk her reading this and being hurt all over again.

What would your advice have been? Should I have told her?

Looking back I still don't know what the right answer is. I think I made the best choice because I spared my friend a lot of pain, even though the ending of our friendship was also very painful for both of us. Seeing how our lives have turned out further reinforces my choice.

But did I do the best thing morally? Do we have an obligation to tell our closest friends every piece of information we have that affects them?

Snapshots

2011-07-31T19:48:00.005-05:00

Here are some fun snapshots from our weekend!

Is this not the funniest thing?! My friend says they are the spitting images of Dolly and Loretta :)

I wish I had a few bottles full of her energy!

RUN!!

What a man!

Just a daddy and his girl.

That's my beauty.

Pallets

2011-07-29T12:34:00.007-05:00

Emma is very into making pallets on her floor these days. We have pretty much eliminated her nap, so she'll pull all her blankets and animals in the floor when she gets sleepy. Then she will close her eyes for 30 seconds and declare that nap time is over. LOL, that is exactly how it happens, no exaggeration!

Today she decided Avery needed to get in on the nap time action.

And she said they had to hold hands.

Avery didn't like it so much.

Emma tried to console her with a hug, but if you look close you can tell that Avery is trying to latch on and get a snack :)

Aaahhh now that's better.

I love these little moments at home!

Fun With Friends

2011-07-28T16:06:00.010-05:00

We have been having fun playing with friends this week! It is so nice to have people to get together with and talk like an adult for a while :)

Yesterday my friend Tiffiany (she is from Sayre, and we were cheerleaders together) brought her daughter Kortney over to play. The girls did GREAT together! Kort handled Emma's bossiness really well, ha!

having a "birthday party" in Emma's room. Let me take a moment to recommend these toys: wood birthday cake, wood cupcakes, and a (non-breakable) tea set. All the three toys were gifts and Emma absolutely loves them. We have spent many hours playing at that table. The wood cake and cupcakes are made by Kidcraft.

Doing a little window drawing.

"Driving."

Today we met up with my friend Amy (who I met online -- more on this at the end of the post) and her daughters at the library. Emma and Lydia get along so well and always have fun together. I love to see them work out their little squabbles and learn to compromise.

Avery and Tessa had a blast too ;)

Okay, about meeting friends online. When I was pregnant with Emma I didn't know anyone else who was pregnant or who had small children. My closest friends were not quite in that phase of life. I knew I needed to find some mom friends, and I prayed about it a lot. Throughout my pregnancy I got on the message boards at www.thebump.com and talked to other pregnant ladies since I didn't know any in real life. Then I discovered that three of the ladies I had become "internet friends" with all lived in the OKC area! I actually had the same due date and was delivering at the same hospital as one of them. So after the kids were born I just got bold and asked them if they wanted to get together. All three said yes and I became friends with all of them! I am so thankful for these ladies, and I love all their kids. Between the three of us we now have 7 kids!!! So if you are in need of some friends who are in your same station of life don't be afraid to look online! The Internet is actually responsible for my friendship with Tiffiany too. We reconnected through facebook and discovered we were having the same struggles as new moms.

A Basket Full of Beauty

2011-07-26T15:50:00.005-05:00

One of my nicknames for Avery is "beauty." Emma has even picked up on it, which I think is hilarious.

Anyway, Beauty is three weeks old today! It also happens to be her due date. I'm so glad to not be huge and hot today :)

My moses basket came just in time to celebrate the three week anniversary of her dramatic entrance.

A month or so ago my mom asked if there was anything I had been wanting for the baby but wasn't able to buy ... and this basket was my answer.

I LOVE IT!! I wanted it because I wanted a safe and clean place to lay her when we are visiting other people. It will be perfect for lounging poolside and visiting family.

I am thinking I need to have another baby just so this basket can get more use!

Keeping Busy

2011-07-25T16:39:00.010-05:00

It's been a great day for the Charlow girls!

This morning we woke up to cloud cover and 79 degree temps, so we packed up and raced to the park before the heat set in again. It was a fantastic change from last night's 108 degree weather! It's amazing how spending time outside in beautiful weather can turn a bad mood right around (I'll be honest and say I woke up in a terrible mood. I didn't get much sleep and I was not happy to have an energetic two-year-old begging me to play with her).

Everyone woke up at 5 o'clock this morning, so my plan was to wear Emma out at the park so we could all get a good nap. It worked, hallelujah! We got to nap for two hours!

After our nap we decided to make some "rainbow cookies" as Emma calls them. Really it was just funfetti cake mix and icing.

Can you tell she is so proud of herself?

While we baked Avery hung out in the sleepywrap. I love this thing!

Here's a picture of Avery with her eyes open. Not the best lighting or posing, but a good eyes-open picture nonetheless.

The Weekend Report

2011-07-24T20:47:00.012-05:00

It feels so good to have a little bit of busy back in our schedule!

My sister-in-law came to town on Friday and stayed the night for the sole purpose of helping me in the house. On Saturday she did all our laundry, cleaned Emma's bathroom, did some dishes, swept my floor, picked up toys, and helped me do the grocery shopping and cooking. Oh yeah, and entertained Emma. WOW! What an incredible blessing to have people like this in my life!

I can't wait until she has her own little one so I can return the favor!

This is how we kept Emma busy in the afternoon:

window markers! They are GREAT. We've had bathtub markers in the past, and they wound up staining the grout a permanent pink. So I was a little wary of these window ones, but they cleaned off easily with vinegar. Totally worth the cleaning effort to keep her happy!

Sunday morning we went on a great adventure to our backyard :) We hadn't introduced Lucy and Avery yet, so we decided to give it a go. Lucy was completely disinterested, thank God!

Avery LOVES being outdoors. If she is fussy I can just walk outside and it's instant calm. I call her Avery Cat because she purrs like a cat when she's content. There was lots of purring happening in this picture!

Emma was also excited to be back behind the wheel. Every day she asks if it's cool yet so she can go out and play. Poor girl!!

We got to spend the evening eating pizza and swimming with friends. So fun!

It's really fun when your in-laws have a nice pool and deck to host you and your friends ;)

Avery Cat and her Nonna.

Emma and Pawpaw playing on the turtle. Em has really fallen in love with both her grandpas in the past few months! She would only get in the pool with pawpaw tonight!

Avery trying out the pool. She did not care for it!

That's MY stud y'all. Ha!

Ashley and Kaylynn admiring the baby. They also have a three-year old boy who said "can I carry the baby?" I replied with a quick "no you cannot." And he shot back "but I'm all grown up!" Kids are so darn cute.

We lead a thrilling life don't we?

Say a prayer for me this week because this is my first week totally on my own. My parents are on vacation, and the rest of our family has resumed normal life, so it's sink or swim time for The Mommy. I'm trying to plan lots of short outings to keep us busy, and I'm just hoping for some decent rest and supernatural patience.

3 weeks 2 days

2011-07-24T07:25:00.003-05:00

Until I can enjoy some of this again ...

I love my waterbaby!

And after I get a few more dips in the pool I will start counting the days until October. Maybe since we didn't get much of a Spring we will have a great Fall?!

She's Ready

2011-07-22T19:47:00.004-05:00

Emma starts Mother's Day Out in about a month, and we do a lot of talking about "school" in hopes it will get her excited about going.

She went shopping with Nanny the other day and came back bursting at the seams to show me her new school stuff:

That's a Dora backpack, light-up skechers shoes, and a purple puppy purse. Perfect school supplies :)

I really can't believe how grown up she is. It makes me sad, but also hopeful :)

Another Big Day!

2011-07-21T19:03:00.005-05:00

We like to celebrate small victories around here, and today we got the opportunity to do just that.

At two years and 8 months, Emma was babysat by someone other than her grandparents for the first time ever.

Her Aunt Dana! They must have had a great time because Emma has been talking about her all day. Aunt Dana better watch out because now that we know they can handle each other she might be called upon more often ;)

While those two were doing whoknowswhat, me and Avery made our fifth trip to the pediatrician in the past two weeks. It was worth it, though, when she weighed in at 6 pounds 15 ounces! She gained 8 ounces in the past week and has now surpassed her birth weight. Yay Avery!! All that hard work nursing every two hours around the clock is paying off.

I also managed to make it to the pediatrician on time wearing clean clothes and makeup. Score one for mommy!

This afternoon I took both girls to not-one-but-two grocery stores by myself. It wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I can't lift Emma to put her in the cart, and her favorite game to play in public is I Run You Chase :)

We had a stern talk before we left, and she rose to the occasion! She walked right beside me, didn't wander off, and didn't grab anything off the shelves. I am SO proud of how she is behaving with little sister in tow. If I had an iphone I would have definitely taken a picture of that, but I felt a little ridiculous lugging my camera to the grocery store.

Small victories are being rewarded with ice cream for Emma, milk for Avery, and coffee for mama. Go Team Charlow!

Three Firsts

2011-07-19T19:50:00.007-05:00

Today was a big day for the Charlow women!

I had my two-week checkup and everything looked great, so I got released to drive and to carry Avery's car seat. The three of us celebrated with a trip to Sonic Happy Hour for ocean water slushes :) It was my first time taking both girls anywhere by myself, and even though we didn't get out of the car it still felt like an accomplishment. Emma said "I don't want to go home, let's just take a little drive." LOL, I knew exactly how she felt!

I can't exercise until 6 weeks, but I decided I could handle a walk around the block. Staying locked inside the house all day is brutal and all of us needed a little fresh air and sunshine.

Avery is in her car seat in the front, and Emma is sitting on the back. She could also choose to stand up and face Avery if she wanted. Pretty cool stroller! Jason did all the pushing, and we kept Avery cool with this little fan I bought on Amazon:

Avery did great on her first walk! She slept the whole time. I thought she hated the car seat because she would scream hysterically anytime she was in the car, but I have figured out it's just because she gets cold in the car. I was so worried about her getting over heated that I was freezing her out. As long as she is warm she is content.

Her umbilical cord fell off so she got her first bath tonight! She didn't love it :( But she smells all new and fresh, and her hair feels like cotton.

After her bath we rocked for a while, but she was still awake so I swaddled her, turned on the sound machine, and laid her in bed.

I am still amazed that she will lay there content! She really is such a peaceful baby. Everything about this little one has been unexpected: her conception, her birth, her temperament. I have a feeling she is going to keep us guessing for the rest of our lives!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2011-07-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

Serious Sister Love!

2011-07-16T15:38:00.004-05:00

Wherever you find Avery you will also find Emma!

Laying in the bathroom floor while I get ready.

Rocking while I fold laundry.

Snuggling in bed while I hover protectively :) Emma is doing great, but I still don't think it's a good idea to leave them together and unattended.

Avery responds to Emma's voice, which I think is so neat! When I'm nursing Avery and Emma comes to talk to her, Avery always attempts to open her eyes and find her sister.

Today Emma coughed on her, and I said "Emma you need to turn your head and cough in the other direction so you don't get Avery sick." She obeyed and then bent down, kissed Avery on the head, and whispered "I'm sorry Avery."

MELTS ME!

beginning babywearer

2011-07-15T21:42:00.003-05:00

My mom bought me a Sleepywrap when Emma was born, but I never really had a reason to use it. Now it's a different story! I decided to practice with it today so I can go grocery shopping with both girls tomorrow [Emma cannot be trusted outside the cart, so Avery has to be worn].

Can you see her head peeking out? She loved it and so did I!

Not only does it allow me to have my hands free, but it's also a great way to keep other people's hands off her in public. This is going to be my plan for any large gatherings of people where I'm not comfortable with other people holding her. Just hide her away in my little pouch :)

So far I would definitely recommend this wrap to a friend!

Second Time Around

2011-07-13T21:25:00.002-05:00

Jason and I were just talking about how much easier everything seems with Avery. In our minds she is a much easier baby than Emma, but we also wonder how much of it is just our state of mind.

With Emma we stressed ourselves out over every ridiculous detail, and looking back I think I had a little post-partum depression too. My hormones don't seem to be as uncontrollable this time, and I am definitely enjoying having a tiny one in a way I didn't with Emma.

It's amazing what a little perspective can do!

I have learned that a newborn's wacky schedule doesn't equal a toddler with a wacky schedule. Cuddling up a new one doesn't spoil them. Sometimes co-sleeping really is the best way. Nursing won't last forever. It makes me a little sad to think I missed out on so much enjoyment with Emma.

And yet I really do think Avery is an easier baby. So far we've had no long crying spells, and she sleeps well without having to nurse all night long. Avery nurses for 20 minutes, while Emma nursed for an hour. I'm afraid this means Avery will be a handful of a toddler since Emma has been pretty easy over this last year :)

I am soaking in and enjoying every minute I can with newborn Avery, realizing it might be my last newborn. We haven't made a decision about that either way, but knowing there's a possibility this will be my last is certainly motivating me to enjoy it as much as possible.

Emma continues to be a great big sister! Here is a conversation we had recently:

Emma: I love Avery!

Me: Awww, that makes me so happy. You love Avery a lot don't you?

Emma: Hmmm, yeah, but not as much as Barney.

LOL!

Bright Eyes

2011-07-12T20:24:00.010-05:00

I know most people will probably find this boring, but to us it is the most adorable thing since newborn Emma ;)

We spent some time on the back porch enjoying the nice reprieve from heat we had today. Avery loved being outside! I wish I could take her on walks, but it is just not smart to have her out in 105 degree weather.

Isn't she so cute?!! She and Emma could not look more different, in my opinion. Some people have said they look alike, but I just see two very different girls. Emma had big round eyes and Avery's are more almond shaped. Avery's nose has a different shape than Emma's did. And I can already tell they will have very different temperaments.

Avery is also having a little trouble putting on weight. We aren't sure what the problem is, but we are trying some reflux medicine to see if that helps her keep her milk down. We are also on a very strict feeding schedule of every two hours around the clock. After each feeding we have to hold her in the upright position for 30 minutes to help her digest the milk before laying her down. So, basically if she's not on my breast you will find us in this position. Thanks to the new feeding/ holding schedule I am not getting much sleep, which is actually not too bad. I'm handling it a lot better than I did with Emma. But, you will probably not see too many pictures of me with fixed hair and make-up :)

Happy Family! Jason goes back to work tomorrow and I might cry. It has been SO nice having him at home, and I'm not ready to face the reality of a new routine. Ready or not, right?!

such and such

2011-07-10T20:18:00.008-05:00

Things are going really well at our house! Every night when both girls are asleep Jason and I marvel at how they are doing. Emma LOVES Avery. Avery LOVES to sleep. Our prayers have been answered. ha!

Avery enjoys the swing, which is great news! I let her nap in there once or twice a day and it gives me some time to hang with Emma.

Just try and tell me this isn't the sweetest face you've ever seen. I know we are biased, but we think she is so beautiful!

And apparently she has a sense of humor :) Look at her hand placement. She takes after her grandpa!

She got her first bath today, and I expected lots and lots of screaming. But she surprised me and stayed asleep most of the time. I made it sure it was scorching hot in the bathroom, which certainly helped. I had to get her all ready for a big day tomorrow. She meets her pediatrician for the first time, and she has her newborn pictures.

All warm and happy and cuddly after her bath. I love a baby in soft PJ's!

Emma insists her day ends with a good Avery cuddle. I cannot sing Emma's praises enough! I expect things to get a little more tense when Jason goes back to work and she has to survive on my attention alone, but she is setting herself up for success.

I know this picture is really dark, but I didn't want the flash to disturb her. You don't know what a miracle this scene is to us! From Day One, Emma would NEVER do this. Every evening I nurse Avery, swaddle her, and lay her in the co-sleeper. Then she sleeps. For several hours. Hallelujah! So far our nights have been peaceful and restful, and for that I am SOOO thankful! Jason and I have even been able to enjoy a couple hours of TV time before bed.

I also have to acknowledge what a wonderful husband and father Jason is! He is taking such great care of us. I haven't even had to worry about laundry or dishes or meals. I am already sad that he only has two more days at home with us. My mom has also done A LOT to make sure we are comfortable and I am able to rest. She has taken Emma, brought us meals, and let us be lazy on her couch. All without us ever having to ask. Thank you Mom, we love you!

Day 1

2011-07-08T21:51:00.004-05:00

We got home from the hospital on Thursday evening, and our first night at home went exceptionally well! When we brought Emma home I learned to dread nighttime with a fierce passion. So I was preparing myself for the worst, but both girls surprised us and gave us a great night's rest.

Today was another great day! So far Emma seems to really love Avery and is not acting jealous of her. She does act jealous for her, though.

When she cries Emma wants to hold her. She immediately starts saying "it's okay Avery, it's okay, we will hold you." LOL she is so sweet!!

Anytime I am feeding Avery, Emma wants to be right there. Jason said "do you really want people to see that picture?" But, it's reality so I say yes!

Life with two kids may not be glamorous, but so far it is very rewarding!

I can already tell these girls are going to be so different, both in appearance and personality. I can't wait to see their relationship grow and their personalities develop. What an incredible privilege and blessing!

D-Day!

2011-07-07T03:55:00.004-05:00

I have been telling Jason for months that I had a feeling Avery would be coming early. I could not shake the deep-down intuition that said she would arrive closer to July 1 than to my actual due date.

Because of that feeling I have been consistently praying that we would make it to July 5. Why that magical date? On July 1 we all became fully insured with J's new employer and July 5 marked the beginning of week 37 in my pregnancy, which means Avery was considered full term on that day. I also prayed that my OB would be the one to do the c-section and that I would have the best nurses on staff.

It just so happened I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for July 5, as well as our car seat installation and inspections. Last weekend I had the motivation and energy to conquer all the major tasks on our To Do List, and even my mom made mention several times of her own early-baby-feeling.

So I went to my appointment at 1:15 on Tuesday July 5, but my doctor was stuck in surgery and I had to see the nurse practitioner. I talked to her about my concerns of going early and tried to get them to re-schedule my csection date. They couldn't do that because hospital policy says csections cannot be scheduled before 39 weeks.

After the appointment I sent mom and Jason a text letting them know I couldn't move the date and we were stuck with the 20th. Then I went home and laid down to rest for a bit before Emma got back home. I woke up about 45 minutes later and went to the bathroom where it became obvious that Avery was indeed coming that day. I'll spare you all the gory details, but suffice it to say Jason had to make a special trip home from the hospital to clean the bathroom ... and the other bathroom ... and my car ... and do a load of laundry.

So I high-tailed it to Labor and Delivery while making phone calls to rescind my text and tell them to GET HERE NOW!!

I got checked in around 4:30 or 5:00 and Jason got here around 5:30. At that point everything moved very quickly and Avery was born at 6:16. She required a little bit of oxygen, so I didn't get to see her right away. She stayed in the operating room the whole time, though, and I kept hearing shouts of "she's so beautiful!" and "She's doing great!"

It just so happened that my OB was on call that evening, so she got to do the surgery :) And I have had fantastic nurses the whole time. All my prayers were answered!

We are both doing GREAT! Avery is eating and sleeping well, and so far she is a very calm and peaceful baby. We will be going home either tonight or tomorrow depending on how much pain I am feeling. So far I can say my vaginal delivery was much easier and less painful than this csection. I'm getting around well and they are keeping me comfortable, but there is a lot of pain. More than I expected. Thank God for percocet :)

I'll be posting again with some of my favorite pictures from the hospital!

Happy 4th!

2011-07-04T20:08:00.007-05:00

We didn't do anything festive today :(

I really wanted to take Emma to see a fireworks show, but J has to be at work in the morning and I didn't think it was a good idea to keep everyone up until midnight.

This is all the fireworks excitement we got. ha!

And just for fun, here are some of my favorite swimming pool pictures ...

Here's hoping Emma can sleep through all the hipboomba!

to-DONE list!!

2011-07-03T20:35:00.008-05:00

We've had such a productive weekend! Just look at what we got to cross off the Final To Do List ...

Freezer is fully stocked, except for the meals my sweet mama graciously offered to make for us. We will end with three breakfast foods, several lunches, and 12 dinners. I am hoping our family will keep us fed for the week Jason is home, and then my freezer stash should last for the next three weeks. That's a whole month without spending too much time in the kitchen!

We got the cars cleaned (dis.gus.ting!); car seats washed and installed (to be inspected this week. Please do this if you haven't. Just call your local fire department and make a free appointment); swing, bouncer, and bassinet washed and assembled; hospital bags packed; cloth diapers washed and folded; cameras charged; and last minute items ordered.

I now feel calm and ready for Avery's arrival!

We also made time to have a little fun of course! Saturday we went to a bowling party, but I was feeling lazy and cranky so I left the camera at home. We did have a good time though! We promised Emma we'd get out the slip -n- slide on Sunday after listening to her beg for it every time she spots it in the garage.

Emma is quite the photographer .... can't you tell?!

ha!

Gypsy Woman

2011-07-01T14:35:00.002-05:00

Emma came home yesterday proudly holding a plastic bag and telling me she got to go shopping.

Apparently they found some cheap jewelry and Nanny kept Emma out of her hair by letting her do some shopping of her own.

Of course she wanted to try them all on at once!

Just look how pleased she is with herself. Every time I would hold up one of the necklaces she picked out she would say "ooohhhh look how cute!"

Updated Thoughts on Attachment Parenting

2011-06-30T15:21:00.004-05:00

I have some updated thoughts on “attachment parenting” and I’m putting them here mostly just to get them out. It’s nothing to do with thinking I know the best way to raise a child or trying to convince anyone out there to do things the way I do. I just like to write and it helps me process my thoughts. So here goes …

As far as newborns and infants are concerned I am still convinced that attachment parenting is the way to go. Most people say that “good” babies are the ones who will go to anyone without objection, rarely cry, and sleep well unassisted. I even used that label not too long ago. And then I had a baby and started thinking a little differently. I learned that infants don’t have the mental capacity to differentiate wants from needs, and they don’t do things to intentionally manipulate us. They cry because they think they need something. If we don’t respond to their cries then we are not creating Good Babies. We are creating babies who have learned their needs are not important to us and so they may as well not cry because no one is going to care anyway.

But eventually they grow out of the infant stage and they become developmentally capable of understanding that mommy and daddy have needs too, and they can’t rule the household 24/7. This is when I think Attachment Parenting starts to lack a little. Extreme Attachment Parenting proponents don’t believe in time-outs, don’t believe in spanking, they allow toddlers to co-sleep, and they practice extended breastfeeding. For ME [I’m not arrogant enough to think that what’s right for me is what’s right for you] this teaches a child that everything is always about them and they do not have to respect other people's boundaries. A toddler then starts to understand how to use manipulation to get what they want rather than learning that what they want is not always the most important thing. And what happens when you send that child to school? In my mind it’s not a pretty picture.

I think setting boundaries is vitally important to any relationship, and certainly to the parent/ child relationship! A child needs boundaries and discipline and guidance. I still think the best way to provide that is through gentle leadership and correction, rather than through force and physical power. Have I ever exerted physical force over Emma and made her do something while she screamed and objected? Yes. Does Emma get an occasional spanking? Yes. But I try very hard to minimize those times, and to use force/ physical correction as a very last resort. But if simply saying "Emma it is not nice to hit, please stop that" doesn't work then I will use time-out to show her I am serious.

Ultimately I don’t want my kids to be afraid of me! I don’t want them to think I don’t care about how they feel and what they think. I want them to feel comfortable and safe coming to me, and I want them to be confident people.

So I try to be gentle and affirm Emma as much as possible, while also setting boundaries that I KNOW she is developmentally capable of staying in. For example: I said that I took her to a movie and her behavior was awful. But I also realize she is only 2 years old. She is not always capable of sitting still for 2 hours, nor is she capable of paying attention to anything that long. Therefore I didn’t punish her for acting the way she did. The problem was with me, not her. On the other hand, if she is refusing to sit still in the grocery cart and is pulling things off the shelf, crying, being unmanageable then I have reason to react because I know she is capable of sitting still for 20 minutes while I shop.

So I do not consider myself an Attachment Parent when it comes to toddlers and older children because I think discipline is very important. I also think kids need to learn that their needs are no more important than anyone else’s, and they will occasionally have to sacrifice their personal comfort for the wellbeing of the family unit. Most people would also not call me a Tough Parent because I think discipline should be as gentle and respectful as possible, and kids should never be disciplined beyond what they can handle, i.e. what is developmentally appropriate.

I also think a HUGE part of discipline is prevention. It drives me C R A Z Y to see a child being yelled at or spanked because of something that could have been prevented by a little common sense on the caregiver's part. Examples:

1.) Kids need sleep. If you keep your kid out late and then drag them all over town the next day, how do you expect them to act? Or, if you know your kid is exhausted and they have a meltdown because of it. It's not the child's fault, it's the caregiver's fault for not putting them to bed!

2.) Kids need consistency. I see kids who have no routine and little stability acting out and getting punished and my heart genuinely hurts for them. I think much of their problem behavior could be prevented if the parents would give them some stability.

3.) Parents who refuse to account for their kid's personality. Some kids are very flexible and some are not. Some kids are outgoing and some are not. No one, child or adult, should be shamed or punished for their natural personality traits. Get to know your child and work within their limits!

4.) What you put in the system is what you get out of it. If a child is being fed nothing but processed food and sugary drinks, then they are not going to feel well and in turn will not act well. I can tell an obvious difference in Emma's behavior when she eats healthy food and when she doesn't. I'm not saying I feed her healthy food all the time. But if she starts acting a little unruly after being fed fried chicken, french fries, and a sugary drink, then I use the most gentle methods possible. She is only reacting to the way she feels and is not intentionally acting "bad."

5.) Constant nagging. Just like a marriage or any other relationship you have to let some things slide. Kids who are overly-disciplined or constantly nagged are going to learn to tune it out. Kids NEED lots of positive attention. Emma always acts worse on days when I don't give her as much positive attention. I have learned to start every day by sitting down and doing something with her: a quick 5-minute book reading, or 20 minutes of playdoh time makes a big difference in her attitude for the whole morning!

That's where we are now! Check in two years from now for continued evolution on these thoughts J

Bad Day & Make Up Day

2011-06-28T20:43:00.009-05:00

Do you ever have bad parenting days?

I had one yesterday. I took Emma to see Cars 2 and her behavior was awful. Then she refused to take a nap. Then she refused to poop in the potty despite me sitting in the floor coaxing her for an hour. And I didn't handle any of it as well as I should have.

So today was our makeup day :) I guess I was hoping to erase all the bad memories of yesterday by creating really fun memories of today. Doesn't work that way, does it?

We woke up to this:

A thunderstorm! My plan to spend the cooler morning hours at the park were replaced with these plans:

tea party

playdoh cookie making

crayon crafting

Then cleaning and lunch and nap.

The only decent thing to do in stifling heat and humidity ...

Of course I can't take her to the park without letting her have a little play time! We stayed about 30 minutes until I felt like my legs were going to spontaneously combust.

I bribed her out of the park by promising to let her drive her favorite blue cart at Crest and ride the horse. I love how excited she gets about these little things that take no effort on my part!

But no the fun didn't stop there! I was so overwhelmingly hot from our time outside that I HAD to get in the pool. I really didn't have a choice :)

So we spent the evening swimming and playing Water Monster, LOL.

The bad thing about all our fun-having is that Emma got completely overstimulated and over-tired, and now she is restless and crying and can't get to sleep. So take note Grandparents: this is why we are nazis about her schedule. It might seem like common sense that getting her too tired means she will sleep hard all night, but it actually means the exact opposite. We are in for a long night! I should have called it quits at 5 o'clock when I saw the Red Puffy Eyes coming out but I pushed her 'til 8 o'clock. I hope the fun was worth it :)

can you guess ...

2011-06-26T20:09:00.005-05:00

why Emma is making a mess of herself with ice cream?

Because she's been pooping in the potty!!!! This has been such a struggle. She's been peeing in the potty for months and she even naps in panties without having accidents. But every attempt to coax her to poop in the potty ended with her in complete hysterics. I hope this means we have broken through some sort of barrier and can soon stop buying diapers ... at least for her :)

Speaking of buying diapers, here I am at 36 weeks:

I feel enormous. This dang heat is killing me and it seems no matter what I do I just keep swelling. I've tried cutting out salt entirely; I've tried eating more salt; I drink 120 ounces of water every day; I've tried staying off my feet most of the day; I've tried staying on my feet. It all ends with me swelling even more. Blech! Jason has promised that as soon as Avery is sleeping in her own room I can buy a treadmill. I'm SO ready to be able to exercise again!

Here we are getting ready to leave for a friend's baby shower today.

We were pleading with Em to smile, but she insisted on making her "weird face" instead. Ha!